Conquering Fear

     I can't believe I'm still dealing with issues of fear.  Fear is a subtle enemy and has many faces like rationalization, cynicism, denial or a flippant attitude.  In my case, it was a bit of all those and then some.  I have a doctors appointment today to see if the pneumonia I was diagnosed with last week is healing properly.  The reason this is significant is because I don't go to see doctors.  I'm getting a little better, slowly, but I used to have to be near death before I would go to see a doctor.

     When I went to see my primary care physician last week it was because my son and wife had already been diagnosed with pneumonia and I was short of breath and wheezing like I smoked a carton of cigarettes in a day.  The doctor confirmed my suspicions but not before he questioned my extended absence from his office.  The last time I had been in to see him was in 2008 and at that time he said I had an "erratic heartbeat" and he wanted me to do some more testing.  I took the news like I had just heard a bad joke and never went back.

     It's no secret that a lot of men don't like to go to doctors.  I've heard many stories of men who've had serious ailments or injuries and tried to "fix" themselves before seeking medical attention.  Shoot, I dislocated my shoulder on a Saturday night and I first, "popped" my shoulder back into socket and then I went home.  I finally went to the hospital the next afternoon after I concluded the pain wasn't going to go away.  As soon as I arrived at the hospital, the first nurse I saw said loudly, "your shoulder's dislocated!"  I thought to myself, "duh," but I was in no position to be a wise ass.  They gave me a shot of Demorol in my butt and reset my arm properly.  The doctor was amazed that it took me nearly twenty-four hours to come in to be seen but then he shook his head and "tsked" because it was a common occurrence among many men.

      The real issue for me is my walk with Jesus Christ.  Having belief and faith in Jesus Christ truly frees you from the bondage of fear and worry.  As a matter of fact, it is a good indicator of how strong your faith is by the amount of fear you carry in your heart.  When you truly love and believe in Jesus Christ, you are able to release fear from your life.

     I've been walking with Christ for awhile now and I thought I had overcome fear on all fronts but I still hadn't because I was avoiding seeing a doctor.  Even now as I write this, I realize I'm going to have to confront this issue head on, so when I go to the doctor today I am going to ask him if I can get a full check up and everything that entails for a man of my age which will most likely include a prostate exam and a colonoscopy along with blood work and cardiograms and the such.  I talk like I know what to expect but I really don't.  I do know one thing, if I truly love Jesus like I say I do, then I don't have anything to fear because He is always with me!

Drug Free, Sober Living, Becomes Second Nature with Time

Me with my classmates at Collins College

     Coming to the end of three years of probation for a drug possession charge and having close to a year and a half of sobriety has again caused me to reflect on past events and future endeavors.  A friend of mine commented that "the real test begins" in reference to the end of my probation.

     I was thinking about when I was first placed on probation in '09 and I was going to mandated drug education classes.  My counselor asked me what I wanted to get out of the program and I told him flatly, "I'm only here because I have to be and when I get done with these classes, I'm going right back to my old lifestyle and drug use."  He wasn't impressed with my answer and moved on, but at that time I was serious about what I said.  After that, my probation was rocky.  I was continuously going to jail for probation violations for positive drug tests which ultimately extended my probation by another year.

     I finally got tired of myself.  I got tired of going to jail.  I got tired of being around other drug users who didn't care anything about me and only wanted to be around me for drugs.  I got tired of not accomplishing anything, especially when I knew I can do anything I want to and excel at it.  That's a gift I've had since as long as I can remember.  Music, sports, and academics came easily to me as I excelled in those areas with minimal effort.  Drug use came easy too. I excelled with proficiency at attaining drugs.  At the end of my addiction I had learned how to supply a three-hundred dollar a day habit for less than twenty dollars daily.

     Ultimately, this became part of the reason why I was able to stop using.  I could see that I was going to continue to use drugs until I died.  It was sad, pathetic.  I'm fortunate I have a family that endured during this time in my life.  Getting arrested in May of '08 was actually a blessing, an answer to my prayers of being able to stop using drugs because I couldn't quit using on my own.  I surely didn't like the process I had to go through but in retrospect there is no easy way to accomplish anything worthwhile whether it be losing weight, getting an education, breaking bad habits or addictions or in my case, all of those.

     With the help of the court-mandated classes, jail sanctions and most importantly, Jesus Christ, I was able to break the bondage of addiction after over twenty years of dominating my life.  During the last few months of classes I reminded my counselor and classmates of my original intentions of continuing drug use after I got off probation.  I shared with them that I didn't know that after I had a significant amount of time clean, I lost the craving all together for drugs.  That was a miracle.  Another reason why I know God is real.  He was able to take a situation that was terrible and turn it into something beautiful, life giving.  (Romans 8:28)

     It took some time, but I was able to overcome a powerful addiction and today I don't have any urge or inclination to use again.  I don't have any probation rules stopping me from using again.  I still live in a drug infested neighborhood.  I occasionally see some of the people I use to run with but none of that is a trigger to use again.  I am new in Christ and have shed the "old" me, becoming a whole new person!

Wishing You All A Happy New Years!

     The year is coming to an end and 2012 about to begin.  Some of us are getting ready for a new start while others are continuing on in their endeavors.  Whatever it is that you are going to be doing, do it to the fullest.  There's no reason to settle for mediocrity when each of us is individually talented and possess unique abilities.  Don't sell yourself short.  Do something you've never done before.  Look outside of yourself and show compassion for others.  I have no resolutions, only resolve, to be able to receive all the blessings that are waiting for me and to be a blessing to others.  Let's step into the New Year together in love and prosperity giving praise and thanks for all that we receive!

Here's a couple of things I do to maintain my sobriety.

     Coming to the end of the year and the end of my probation has caused me to reflect on where I'm at today.  This last year has been blessed, again, and I am very thankful for all that I have.  God has been very good to the Mason family and to me in particular.

     So, most of you know my story of twenty plus years of addiction to drugs.  I've currently got over 16 months of sobriety from cocaine and while that may not seem like a long time to some, it is a lifetime to me as I was using a large amount of drugs everyday, for many years.

     How am I able to have sobriety?  It didn't happen in my own power.  I couldn't stop using even when I wanted to.  I quit using so many times that I quit quitting.  Finally, I got arrested.  Some of you may think that was an inevitability, but that is not the case.  I know it to be Divine Intervention.  There are many drug users who have never been arrested before, but they are also not living.  That's the inevitability.  Thankfully, God had other plans for my life because my plans were leading to my premature death.

     Today, I live life free from ANY bondage.  My sobriety is a by-product of my love for Jesus Christ.  I've consciously made a decision to follow Him and be guided by Him.  Do you know where He has led me?  Out of addiction and into life.  Everywhere I go, Jesus is with me.  He's here as I write this.  He goes to school with me.  He goes to all the meetings I go to, which by the way, I don't have to go to but I do anyways because when I get there, Jesus is there.  How do I know He's there?  Because when I get there, I'm happy to be there.  I have a gladness in my heart when I arrive, everywhere I go, even jail, and I'm smart enough to know that is the supernatural Anointing that allows me to have joy wherever I go.

     Now to give you what you came here for.  How I maintain my sobriety.  First, I stay close to Jesus Christ by watching a lot of Christian programming like Creflo Dollar, Joyce Meyer, Andrew Wommack, Dr. Charles Stanley to name a few.  I also read Scripture and daily devotionals and I am constantly giving praise and thanks for all God is doing in my life.  Second, I go to meetings.  I go to meetings without expectations.  Do you know that sometimes your presence at a meeting isn't so you can get something out of it, but rather so someone can get inspiration from you.  Third, I have tested this old saying and know that it is truth:  If you want something different, you've got to do something different!  In my case, I went back to college, which, not by coincidence, I've been at for 15 months which is approximately the same amount of time I have sober.

     There are other things I've done also, but those three are the ones that have made the difference in my life.  If you want sobriety, you can have it!

Call Me Mr. Mason Please!

     As I get older and more crotchety I'm finding that I like less and less how younger generations are coming about.  In particular, I have an issue with children addressing adults by their first name.  I was raised by my parents, relatives, teachers and other adults to address adults as Sir or Ma'am or Mr. or Mrs. but to never call an adult by their first name.  Calling an adult by their first name implies familiarity and a level of equality with them that a child does not possess.

      I'm amazed at how many people under 18 address adults by their first name.  I also don't address people I barely know by their first name.  Again, addressing someone by their first name implies familiarity which is something you don't gain in five minutes of meeting them.

      This whole thing starts with parents.  It's a parents responsibility to teach their children proper conduct in the presence of adults.  Parents do their children a disservice by allowing their children to carry themselves any kind of way with no guidance or correction.  When the child turns into an adult and has to operate in an adult system he will struggle in social settings simply because no one corrected him as a child.  I see evidence of this everyday with teenagers and twenty-somethings constantly cursing in public settings like they don't know any other word than "eff" this and so and so.  My mother would have slapped the black off of me if she heard me curse.  Even to this day I rarely curse and when I do it's under my breath and far away from my mother.

     So, as an adult, we have a responsibility to the younger generations to carry ourselves in a manner that is respectful and authoritative.  I treat everyone I meet with an automatic respect because unless they prove otherwise they deserve to be treated with respect.  If you know me, call me G.  If you don't, Mr. Mason is fine!

A Glimpse of Prison, A Glimpse of Death, Gave Me Life

     Last Friday was the last day I had to appear in front of a judge for probation I have been on since 2008.  Wednesday was the last court-mandated substance abuse class I had to attend.  I cannot properly express how happy I am to be finished with this chapter in my life.  All said and done, I am a better man today than I was three years ago.  Heck, I'm a better man today than I was twenty-five years ago and that's really where this story begins.

     Back in the mid '80's I began experimenting with drugs, marijuana at first, which turned into a full blown addiction to cocaine after many years of casual use and constant partying.  I lost many things, including my mind, friends, family trust, a marriage, many jobs, cars, a home,  hundreds of thousands of dollars, my self-respect and my will to live.  Man, I was pathetic, living nowhere near the potential I had of being successful and prosperous.

     After leaving a company I had been with for eight years, my marriage fell apart and my ex-wife took our children with her to Arizona after which my parents followed them to be with the grand-kids.  I stayed in Nevada and spiraled downward into a nearly inescapable pit of despair and misery fueled by self-pity, self-loathing, drugs and alcohol.  It was bad.  I didn't care about anything.  I was doing all types of despicable things, runnin' with thugs, buying/selling dope, prostitution.  My father suggested I move out to Arizona and get a fresh start and I finally took his advice but only after I had burned some bridges in Nevada and felt my life was at risk.  I came out to AZ in August of '99 and quickly picked up where I left off at in Nevada.  Thing was, Phoenix is way bigger and faster than Reno, and I got sucked up in the drug culture quickly and deeply.  There is dope everywhere out here.  It is so prevalent here that I've purchased and used drugs with senior citizens.  I was hanging in all of the worst, drug infested neighborhoods in Phoenix.  I was runnin' with dealers and killers, pimps, prostitutes and thieves.  I've been robbed twice by gun and once by knife, walking away from all of those situations with my life but my life was getting worse.  My drugs use escalated and topped out at over $300 a day.

     During this time I met a woman who didn't use drugs and wasn't a part of the culture and we dated for two years and then married and had two boys.  We have been through a lot together, including homelessness, jail, infidelity, and my addiction.  Everything came to a head when on May 1st, 2008, I was arrested for possession/paraphernalia, and charged with a class 6 undesignated felony with a sentence of two years in prison.  Because it was my first felony, I was given probation instead and required to go through a rigorous system of classes, daily urinary exams and monthly meetings with probation officers and judges.  It took awhile for me to be able to let go of my old self.  I couldn't do it on my own.  I tried, it didn't work.  I renewed my relationship with Jesus Christ and my life surely changed for the better.

     Long story short, today I have nearly a year and a half of sobriety.  I'm in my sophomore year of college.  My family is doing well and we are prosperous and only getting more so.
I've been through a lot.  More than many, less than most.  I'm thankful I have a Father that loves me so much, He never gave up on me and gave me a way to overcome my fears and worries and bondage to addiction through Jesus Christ.  Now on to the next chapter!

Tattoos. Thanks for the warning!

     While looking for images for this post I had a revelation concerning tattoos and people in Arizona.  Everywhere I look there are people with tattoos.  In Arizona, I see a disproportionately large amount of people with demonic tattoos.  I thought maybe it was a fashion trend or something.  But while looking at pictures of tats from people around the world I saw a wide variety of tats and I had to actually seek demonic tattoos to find them.  That brought me to the conclusion that the demonic tattoo has a large following particular to Arizona, hence the topic of this post.

     For the record, I don't have any tattoos.  I don't have anything against people that do.  I just don't have any.  I'd considered getting some awhile ago, but at 42 I believe I'm past the age for getting a tat.  There's just some things that, if you haven't experienced them by a certain age, you've just missed the boat and tattoos are one those things.

     Anyways, I often see people out here with demonic images tattooed on their bodies.  I think to myself, "what would possess a person to have a grotesque, demonic image permanently printed on their body?"  This question perplexed me for a long time until I had another revelation which was, these tattoos serve as a warning about the character of the person with the tattoo.  Please let me clarify my position before you people start throwing up your arms and have conniptions.

     Getting a tattoo usually requires a conscious decision to receive an image printed onto skin by needle point.  I've heard many stories of people getting intoxicated or being under the influence of drugs before getting a tat, but that doesn't let them off the hook for their choices.  Anyways, most people take time to look at images or draw their own images to be tatted on them.  This being said, it is safe to say that a person who has chosen to get a tattoo of a demonic image isn't concerned about following Jesus Christ.  Most of the people that I've seen with these types of tattoos have curses coming out of their mouths and have no happiness or joy about them.  Now don't go get all bent out of shape by what I've just said.  These are only my observations, my opinions.  I'm not casting judgments, I'm only stating what I've noticed.

     Quick story:  One time I was in jail and one of my cellmates was covered in demonic tattoos.  He was quiet but when he did speak, he spoke with intelligence and purpose.  I asked him what were the names of the demons he had tatted on him and he abruptly told me, "don't worry about their names!"  I won't go into details, in this post, about the power of words, but I know the reason why he wouldn't tell me their names.  It was because there is power in knowing a name whether it be in invoking it or casting it out.  He assumed that I had an ulterior motive to my question and he effectively ended the conversation.  There's more to the story like, before he became my cellmate I had seen him around the yard weeks prior.  I was already amazed by the amount of inmates who outwardly or ignorantly worshiped satan, and when I first saw him I could feel, instinctively, hate coming from him.   I made a comment to one of my cellmates that I was glad we didn't have "that guy" as a cellmate.  Do you know that it was less than twenty-four hours later he was transferred to our cell.  Coincidence?  I drew closer to God while I was incarcerated, going to church services almost everyday and reading Scripture.  The more I drew closer to God, the more I noticed the evil nature among the majority of inmates and Sheriffs.  It was an unsettling experience. 

     The next time you see a person with demonic tattoos, take a moment and listen to what they are talking about.  As a matter of fact, do that with everyone you interact with.  If you actually listen to what people are saying you will learn a lot about their character!