Drug Free, Sober Living, Becomes Second Nature with Time

Me with my classmates at Collins College

     Coming to the end of three years of probation for a drug possession charge and having close to a year and a half of sobriety has again caused me to reflect on past events and future endeavors.  A friend of mine commented that "the real test begins" in reference to the end of my probation.

     I was thinking about when I was first placed on probation in '09 and I was going to mandated drug education classes.  My counselor asked me what I wanted to get out of the program and I told him flatly, "I'm only here because I have to be and when I get done with these classes, I'm going right back to my old lifestyle and drug use."  He wasn't impressed with my answer and moved on, but at that time I was serious about what I said.  After that, my probation was rocky.  I was continuously going to jail for probation violations for positive drug tests which ultimately extended my probation by another year.

     I finally got tired of myself.  I got tired of going to jail.  I got tired of being around other drug users who didn't care anything about me and only wanted to be around me for drugs.  I got tired of not accomplishing anything, especially when I knew I can do anything I want to and excel at it.  That's a gift I've had since as long as I can remember.  Music, sports, and academics came easily to me as I excelled in those areas with minimal effort.  Drug use came easy too. I excelled with proficiency at attaining drugs.  At the end of my addiction I had learned how to supply a three-hundred dollar a day habit for less than twenty dollars daily.

     Ultimately, this became part of the reason why I was able to stop using.  I could see that I was going to continue to use drugs until I died.  It was sad, pathetic.  I'm fortunate I have a family that endured during this time in my life.  Getting arrested in May of '08 was actually a blessing, an answer to my prayers of being able to stop using drugs because I couldn't quit using on my own.  I surely didn't like the process I had to go through but in retrospect there is no easy way to accomplish anything worthwhile whether it be losing weight, getting an education, breaking bad habits or addictions or in my case, all of those.

     With the help of the court-mandated classes, jail sanctions and most importantly, Jesus Christ, I was able to break the bondage of addiction after over twenty years of dominating my life.  During the last few months of classes I reminded my counselor and classmates of my original intentions of continuing drug use after I got off probation.  I shared with them that I didn't know that after I had a significant amount of time clean, I lost the craving all together for drugs.  That was a miracle.  Another reason why I know God is real.  He was able to take a situation that was terrible and turn it into something beautiful, life giving.  (Romans 8:28)

     It took some time, but I was able to overcome a powerful addiction and today I don't have any urge or inclination to use again.  I don't have any probation rules stopping me from using again.  I still live in a drug infested neighborhood.  I occasionally see some of the people I use to run with but none of that is a trigger to use again.  I am new in Christ and have shed the "old" me, becoming a whole new person!