A Glimpse of Prison, A Glimpse of Death, Gave Me Life

     Last Friday was the last day I had to appear in front of a judge for probation I have been on since 2008.  Wednesday was the last court-mandated substance abuse class I had to attend.  I cannot properly express how happy I am to be finished with this chapter in my life.  All said and done, I am a better man today than I was three years ago.  Heck, I'm a better man today than I was twenty-five years ago and that's really where this story begins.

     Back in the mid '80's I began experimenting with drugs, marijuana at first, which turned into a full blown addiction to cocaine after many years of casual use and constant partying.  I lost many things, including my mind, friends, family trust, a marriage, many jobs, cars, a home,  hundreds of thousands of dollars, my self-respect and my will to live.  Man, I was pathetic, living nowhere near the potential I had of being successful and prosperous.

     After leaving a company I had been with for eight years, my marriage fell apart and my ex-wife took our children with her to Arizona after which my parents followed them to be with the grand-kids.  I stayed in Nevada and spiraled downward into a nearly inescapable pit of despair and misery fueled by self-pity, self-loathing, drugs and alcohol.  It was bad.  I didn't care about anything.  I was doing all types of despicable things, runnin' with thugs, buying/selling dope, prostitution.  My father suggested I move out to Arizona and get a fresh start and I finally took his advice but only after I had burned some bridges in Nevada and felt my life was at risk.  I came out to AZ in August of '99 and quickly picked up where I left off at in Nevada.  Thing was, Phoenix is way bigger and faster than Reno, and I got sucked up in the drug culture quickly and deeply.  There is dope everywhere out here.  It is so prevalent here that I've purchased and used drugs with senior citizens.  I was hanging in all of the worst, drug infested neighborhoods in Phoenix.  I was runnin' with dealers and killers, pimps, prostitutes and thieves.  I've been robbed twice by gun and once by knife, walking away from all of those situations with my life but my life was getting worse.  My drugs use escalated and topped out at over $300 a day.

     During this time I met a woman who didn't use drugs and wasn't a part of the culture and we dated for two years and then married and had two boys.  We have been through a lot together, including homelessness, jail, infidelity, and my addiction.  Everything came to a head when on May 1st, 2008, I was arrested for possession/paraphernalia, and charged with a class 6 undesignated felony with a sentence of two years in prison.  Because it was my first felony, I was given probation instead and required to go through a rigorous system of classes, daily urinary exams and monthly meetings with probation officers and judges.  It took awhile for me to be able to let go of my old self.  I couldn't do it on my own.  I tried, it didn't work.  I renewed my relationship with Jesus Christ and my life surely changed for the better.

     Long story short, today I have nearly a year and a half of sobriety.  I'm in my sophomore year of college.  My family is doing well and we are prosperous and only getting more so.
I've been through a lot.  More than many, less than most.  I'm thankful I have a Father that loves me so much, He never gave up on me and gave me a way to overcome my fears and worries and bondage to addiction through Jesus Christ.  Now on to the next chapter!