Prosperous and thankful!

     Living with the understanding that everything I have is directly because of God, is empowering, comforting and relieving.  It allows me not to worry about anything.  How awesome is that.  It's one thing to say you don't worry about things.  It's another to actually live it.

     Now I'll tell you I haven't always lived like this, but most of my life I have.  Part of the reason for this is because I value everything I have.  Everything.  Some people who know me and know my possessions may believe that I don't have a lot and that I'm poor.  According to class status in the United States, I'm poor.  Last year my income was under $5,000.  My rent for a two bedroom apartment was a little over $4,800(yearly) not including utilities which exceeded $1000(yearly).  My grocery budget is $300 per month and clothing budget is guestimated at around $1000(yearly,it's probably a lot less).  Miscellaneous expenses like entertainment and non-necessities like eating out totaled around $500 so the grand total for 2010 was around $13,100 in expenses.  That's more than $6,000 over what I actually had to spend.  God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is Good!

     Those numbers are deceiving.  If you looked at those numbers on paper it would appear as if I live a meek and meager existence.  Depending on perspective, it could be a meager existence.  From my perspective it isn't.  From my perspective I've got everything I need and extra.  First, my family is taken care of.  We have a place to live.  Our apartment is small but my boys have their own room with oak bunk beds, a t.v., PlayStation 2, games, toys etc.  They have all kinds of clothes and shoes, some of which they haven't worn yet.  I have a California king size bed, lots of clothes, some new and unworn, more shoes than I need, three pairs of "new" shoes and my wife has the same.  I'm unemployed as is my wife.  However, I'm a full time student acquiring a Bachelor  of Art in Film and Video.  I have a MacBook Pro laptop, some video equipment and accessories and WiFi service in my apartment.  Our food allowance is $668 but we only spend $300 of that and give away the balance to others and church organizations.  We currently don't have a vehicle but during the ten years my wife and I have been together we've had three vehicles.  I'm certain we will be mobile again soon.  Interesting note, my pastor once commented that "if you pay rent or have a car payment, you are considered wealthier than almost two thirds of the world".

Me and Grant Hill(Phoenix Suns)

     So, when I look at all of those things, I know I am prosperous.  I didn't even factor in that I'm healthy and my family is healthy.  My parents are still living and healthy, as are my wife's parents, so my children get wonderful benefits of having their grandparents in their lives.  All of this is because of God.  I created none of this in my own power.  Everything I need, I have, plus some.  I am thankful and appreciative of what I have.  Thank you Father.

    
  

Self-centered thinking

     Self-centered thinking is a killer.  I didn't realize how self-centered I was, nor how that kind of thinking affected my life.  That's not a shocker though because if you're self-centered you are so focused on yourself you can't see anything else except yourself.

     I am guilty.  God is still working with me in this and many other areas.  I am thankful for this because as I deal with my ego and self-centeredness, I'm able to overcome a lot of afflictions that are common among people who only think of themselves.  Some of those afflictions are:  depression, anger, anxiety, fear, vanity, and pride to name a few.  Self love makes you vulnerable to all of those things and more, because you can't see outside of yourself.  When things don't go your way, and they won't, you take it as a personal attack and experience frustration.  Now please don't confuse self love with loving yourself.  They are two different entities though the wording is similar.  Loving yourself is not the same as self love.  When you truly love yourself, you are able to receive forgiveness, you are able to love others and forgive others, you are concerned for others and not focused on yourself.

     Living a selfless life sounds wonderful, and it is.  For me however, it wasn't easily attainable.  I spent many years thinking I was The Gift, that my excrement had no odor and that I was seldom wrong about anything.  Man, I was a jerk.  I didn't think I was, but even if I realized I was, I would have rationalized it to work in my favor.  See, that's self-centered thinking.  When you can justify your faults and weaknesses as issues that everybody else will just "have to deal with" then you are only thinking of yourself.  I did this.  I was guilty of this.  I could've cared less how someone else felt about anything.  If it didn't align with my thoughts and beliefs then it was flawed and not worthy of my consideration.  What a pathetic existence I lived.

     I tell you I'm still a work in progress.  Fortunately I am able to see when my thinking is self-centered and I can correct the problem.  Unfortunately I don't do this as quickly as I should or could.  I'm not perfect(pretty close lol), but I'm no longer an insensitive jerk who only considers what is going on in my world.  I do care about others and when I'm able to put other people before me the reward is joy and fulfillment.

Good Friday/Easter Sunday

     Friday was the anniversary of the day Christ was crucified.  I am sad to say that this is the first time I actually understand, and appreciate the significance of God's sacrifice on behalf of man.  I've been born-again for some time now, yet I didn't see this day with proper perspective.  Thankfully, The Father is forgiving and understanding otherwise I would be too ashamed to admit such folly.

     As I was sitting in church today(Easter Sunday) I was praising God for how wonderful He's been to me.  I am in awe at His Word.  I was thinking about some of the things He's given me and that there is NO comparison in this world, nothing that matches, what he's given, done, or able to do.  Nothing.

     It is spiritually rewarding, for me, to follow Jesus Christ.  My days are marked with peace and grace and strength and happiness, even when there are problems and strife.  I am able to overcome adversity, only through Jesus Christ, to achieve peace.  That's saying a lot because there are a lot of things in this world that are at odds with my spirit.  I tell you that the things that are at odds with my spirit are not there to uplift me in any way, and if they don't uplift, they tear down.  There's no "in-between" area or "gray area".  I don't like dealing in absolutes, but there is no middle area in life and death.  Both are choices.

     Man, that's some awesome insight!  The fact that we can choose between life and death.  I don't think a lot of people understand this.  I know I certainly didn't.  I use to accept the things that were negative in my life as "that's the way things are".  That's a sad way to look at life.  Jesus died, on the cross, for our sins, so that we wouldn't have to suffer the actual punishment we deserve for our sins.  Think about that for a moment.  I've done some things in my life that I am not proud of and that were definitely wrong and selfish.  Those actions didn't uplift anyone and actually hurt myself and others around me.  I can't think of what the punishment should be for my iniquities and if I could it would probably be way more lenient than what is actually deserved.  Yet there is a Savior that only asks that I believe in Him.  Believe that He died for my sins and follow His Word, and I can be forgiven for ALL of my sins, even the ones I have yet to commit.  Are you serious?  There's actually someone out there that loves me so much that He died for my sins so that I wouldn't have to receive what I deserve for them?

     I can't put into words how awesome that is.  All I have to do is choose to follow Christ and abide in His Word, and I can be forgiven for my transgressions, and have the SAME power He had as he walked this earth and in Heaven, and receive eternal life, and have peace and grace and joy too!  Let me think.  I can choose to have everlasting life with peace and happiness from following Jesus, or I can walk in this world under my own power, by my own will, and go up against all the things of the world, by myself, with no guarantee of ANYTHING.  Hmmm.  This is a no-brainer for me.  I pray that the answer be as easy for you!

Garyology 101

     If you are a conscious individual, you are always learning, always evolving.  Right when I reach some plateau in my life, I learn something new about myself and go through a process of renewal and new beginnings.

     That's where I'm at today.  This past week has been interesting.  I've had a few bumps, which is normal, however, I haven't experienced many as of late.  So when some issues popped up, they took me for an emotional roller coaster ride.

     I'm kind of mad at myself, because I like to think that I handle most situations well, but after reviewing my reactions to the situations presented to me, I was disappointed.  I know better than to respond immediately when dealing with a confrontation yet that's exactly what I did and I'm regretful.  In one situation, that occurred this week, I feel as though I compromised my beliefs by offering an apology to appease someone I hurt with my opinion.  I truly am sorry that the person was hurt, but I am not sorry for my opinion.  I understand that everyone has their own beliefs and viewpoints.  I don't elevate mine above any ones, nor should I have to crease.

     I'm still happy and thankful to The Father and The Son, Jesus Christ.  I don't apologize for loving God and believing and following what He says.  I know I'm going to encounter more and more resistance to The Word because there are millions of people who don't subscribe to the same beliefs as I do.  That's okay.  I still love my brothers and sisters.  It's not my place to judge anyone and The Bible tells us this.

     So, I move forward with lessons learned and more to study for!       

Generational differences

     Where is the world headed?  I don't know, but it doesn't look very good.  I know I'm getting older when I start commenting on the differences between generations.  I'm an old fogie!  Damn!

     Anyways, I'm writing this because of a couple things I witnessed yesterday.  First was a video by Justin Timberlake singing about trading mothers with his best friend, on mothers day, and having sex with them.  The song uses explicit language to describe the sex acts and overall it's......stupid!  I commented, on a friends Facebook page, what I thought about it and his stance, along with anothers, was defensive.  That's part of what inspired me to write this.

     I'm forty-two years old and I have definitely changed from twenty years ago.  I seldom use foul language because it specifically says not to swear in The Bible, but also because I think foul language is an indicator that you command a small vocabulary.  It's unfortunate, but all I hear, everyday, from people years younger than me is "eff" this and "eff'" that and "what the eff" and "I'm effn' serious, man".  It's sad.  A couple of weeks ago I did an experiment with the F word where I inserted it in every sentence I spoke for an entire minute.  It sounded ridiculous.  I laughed at myself because it sounded so ridiculous.  People who know me can't picture me using foul language because they haven't heard me swear.  It's not what I do.

     So, on my friends Facebook page, I commented that, "you wouldn't (see) Stevie Wonder do something distasteful and disrespectful".  My friend commented that the video was a spin off an SNL joke band.  I remember when Stevie Wonder was on SNL and did a skit with Eddie Murphy, I believe, that ended with Stevie driving a car.  That was hilarious while making light fun of himself.

     The second story that inspired this blog happened as I was waiting for the bus.  I was ear hustling a conversation between two gentlemen and a lady about having children.  One gentleman was telling a story about a child he fathered with "a friend" of his.  Basically, he had been friends with a lady for years when she asked him to be the father of her baby with no strings attached.  No marriage, no child support, and involvement in the childs life, optional.  He said, "if I didn't do it, she would have went to a sperm donor, so why not donate mine via premarital sex".  He was okay with it, she was okay with it and it happened.  After he told the story, he wondered, out loud, if there was anything morally or biblically wrong with this.

     Man, I tell you the times are a changing, and not for the better.  I probably wouldn't have commented on that conversation had the gentleman not have been so non-chalant about the whole thing.  Like bringing a child into this world is as simple as going to the pound and picking up a puppy.
It's things like this that make me glad to have a moral compass.  Now don't let me go off sounding like I'm "Mr. Perfect" because I'm not.  I'll tell you from my personal experience that almost every relationship I've had, with premarital sex, has ended on not so favorable terms.  There's a reason why God commands us to have sexual purity and it's not because He's trying to punish us.  It's so we can avoid the misery and sorrow that accompanies sexual immorality.  It's that simple.  I don't need to point out, to any intelligent person, the pluses and minuses of sex before marriage.  Again, I am not perfect in this area.  As a matter of fact, both of my marriages involved premarital sex.  Something my failed relationships shared was premarital sex.  That speaks volumes.  It became obvious to me that when I lived my life the way I wanted to, in my flesh, and not according to Scripture, my life had a lot more downs than ups!

     So, I'm not going to preach to you.  Following Jesus Christ is working for me and I'm a person who needed a lot of work.  I can admit my faults and weaknesses and actually address them in the only way I can see as beneficial to my soul and spirit, that's through Jesus Christ!

   

Hardness of heart

     Hardness of the heart is one of our greatest enemies.  When your heart is hardened, you are not capable of seeing, hearing, or remembering anything from The Spirit.  That's an interpretation of Mark 8:18 of when Jesus was talking to his disciples about their forgetfulness of the miracle of the feeding of the five thousand, as they were more sensitive to the natural, they were hardened to the spiritual.

     Now I tell you I'm guilty of a hardened heart.  It really is natural because I've operated in the natural for a very long time.  Even today, I still operate in the natural, to an extent, because I'm still learning from The Word and still "seeing" areas in my life where there's disbelief.  I've been walking in the flesh for so long that I'm sensitive to the things I see in the natural world, but it explicitly says in The Bible that we are to "walk by faith and not by sight".  From my own experience I can tell you this is easier said than done.  I've spent close to forty years looking at everything from a natural(my flesh) point of view.  I am able to walk in faith.  However, my flesh still wants to revert back to the natural.  It's a constant battle but I'm slowly getting better at consistently walking in faith.

     I think one of the reasons why I have trouble walking in faith is because my experience with the supernatural is limited.  I'm not sensitive to it as I should because it's kind of scary, meaning, I lack understanding.  When you can see things with your physical eyes, you can attach some logic to what you've seen and therefore have some comfort, reassurance that you are normal.  That's because that is how you've operated since you were born.  It's natural.  Knowing and operating in the Spirit is different because you have to operate on beliefs you can't physically see.  That's tough.  It was hard for the disciples of Jesus to do it and they were able to see miracles with their eyes on a regular basis. They still had a hard time wrapping their minds around the reality of the supernatural and yet if we are able to walk in faith today, without physically being able to see Jesus, and the miracles he did, we are the beneficiaries of greater reward.

     Man, that sounds great on paper, but it is understandable that people have trouble "walking in faith" and not by sight.  It has been getting easier for me to walk by faith because I have tested The Word and have been rewarded accordingly.  If I recall correctly, I believe I started realizing the supernatural/spiritual realm was real in the late 90's as my drug use started to progress.  I started seeing, and not because I was high, unclean spirits upon other people.  It was very subtle, but I would notice things about some of the people I was around, like the things they would say or believed in.  I recall a time when this woman I had never met before was openly talking about raping another woman.  Her boyfriend was right next to her, in agreement with her statements, and it was then that I looked at them and was able to see the unclean spirits upon them.  I could tell there was something "not right" about them when I first met them, but after they spoke, it was clear.

  As I immersed myself in the drug culture, I started seeing unclean spirits more and more.  I could feel(through my spirit) that something supernatural was occurring around me, even though I couldn't see it.  I continue to see unclean spirits, though I am no longer intentionally around them.  The phenomenon, of seeing unclean spirits, is really discernment between right and wrong, good and evil.  I believe we all have the ability to discern, however some people choose not  to exercise it and that would be to their peril.

     So, as I harden my heart, intentionally, toward the things of this world that are immoral, foul, and against God's will, my heart softens and is sensitive to the things God wants for me, and all of His children, which is ultimately to know and love Him and one another!

No ordinary life!

     I feel good.  Life is good, and that's by my choice.  You all know I love The Father and The Son, Jesus Christ and I don't have a problem proclaiming that freely and openly.  I can't say enough about the good things, created by God, that happen to me, around me or for me.  I love hearing The Word and it's no secret that I'm partial to hearing it from Andrew Wommack.  This man has excellent testimony and relates so well that he easily captivates any audience he's speaking to.  That's big.  He can go from North Carolina to Oakland, CA and not miss a step.  That's a gift from God to be able to communicate and relate to anyone you talk to.  Sometimes I have trouble relating to my relatives and these are people who I share DNA with.

     I've been born-again since July 27th, 1997 and I tell you this because it's testimony to my love for Jesus Christ today April 19th, 2011.  It's been 14 years and my passion for Christ is hotter today than it ever was.  I still wonder in amazement at why it took me so long to find Christ and realize I don't want to live life without Him.  I'm serious.  I went through a long period of time doing things the way I  wanted to.  I ran through relationships with women, fake friends, murderers, liars, cheaters.  I thought I was the gift and my ish didn't stink.  Man I was on some bulls#!t.

     I'm thankful I was able to "see the light" before I destroyed my life any further and now I really enjoy the inspiration I have from knowing Jesus and hearing and studying the Word everyday.  Andrew Wommack, Ron Carpenter, and Creflo Dollar are among some Pastors that consistently point out that the life of a Christian shouldn't resemble that of a non-believer.  I love that.  Without trying, my life doesn't resemble anything like that of a non-believer and I'm happy about that.  I don't elevate myself above anyone but I realize I have something a lot of people don't.  Peace and the Grace of God amen!  Sometimes I walk around with so much unbridled power, I can't do anything but to be as humble as possible because I'm afraid I'm going to hurt someone.  That probably sounds strange but I'm telling you, most of the time that I interact with others, it's at 30% of my capability because I'm cautious about the things I say and do.  I choose my words carefully and hold back on things I think are harmful to others.  I often let trespasses against me slide but I'm human and have feelings too.  Sometimes I want to grab people and choke the life out of them but in those moments I can feel Jesus' hand on me calming my spirit.  See what I'm saying.  Without Jesus a lot of people would be hurting more so than they are now.

Forgiving everything, all the time!

     I tell you, walking the Christian walk sometimes appears to be the hardest thing to do.  An issue that I'm constantly being tested on is my ability to forgive others for their trespasses against me.  We are to be able to forgive infinitely and if we can't, how can we expect The Father to forgive us?

     I remember, one time, my mother pointed out that we are to forgive 777x777777.  I looked at her and said, "I'm not Jesus mother"!  But like everything else she's ever said to me, she's right, and if you've got half a brain, you'll never argue with your mother.  Not only is arguing with your mother disrespectful, but you may not come out on the other side of that argument.  Trust me on this.  You wouldn't be the first child to lose your life from talking back to your mama.

     Anyways, forgiving someone for something they've done against you isn't really about giving that person another chance.  It's about letting go of the pain that person caused you as a result of what they did to you.  Forgiving allows you to move forward and not hold on to that pain.  I didn't know, nor practice this theory for many of my adult years.  I'm not an angry person per se, but if you happen to be one of the unfortunate people who can challenge my happiness, then I feel for you.  I've been known to give silent treatments, sharp cutting eyes, hard, cold, soul penetrating words of discouragement and on the rare occasion, physical violence when someone has trespassed against me.  Do you know who hurt the most from the above actions?  Me!  I'm the one who suffered the most, from my own actions, against what someone else did to me.  Imagine that.  I'm hurt more because of my reaction to someones inconsideration of my feelings, wants and needs.

     I know that forgiveness is ultimately what will start the healing process.  I know from experience that forgiving others gives me great relief, but even knowing this, I still am slow to forgive because my flesh loves to be miserable.  If I allowed my flesh to run my life I would surely be dead.  Believe that!  I followed my flesh for many years through drugs, adultery, stealing, violence, debauchery, idol worship, and the bottom line, when it was all added up, I was miserable.  I use to hold grudges, for years, against certain people, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent.  I use to thrive on the hate and anger that was manifested in my heart because of some trespass someone committed against me.  I use to love to make others feel as miserable as I was feeling because I didn't know I could release myself from the agony I was in.

     Fast forward to today and I'm a different person, obviously because I'm born-again with new spirit and insight.  It is easier, today, to forgive others, than it was previously.  Honestly, I can't hold on to anger and hate for longer than a day, which is a great improvement.  Eventually, I will get to a level where I never harbor ill-will toward others.  I love The Lord, Jesus Christ!

     

Bitter or Better?

     One of my many counselors firmly believes people are not capable of being happy all the time.  I think it's safe to say, a lot of people share her sentiments.  I'm not one of those people.  I use to be, but not anymore.  A pastor, I can't recall, pointed out that we choose to be what we are.  In essence, we can choose to be happy, sad, miserable, ecstatic, etc.  This knowledge ultimately empowers us because it breaks down barriers and beliefs that other people, things and situations can manipulate and or control how we feel.

     I don't know how many times I've held other people accountable for how I felt.  Until recently, I actually allowed my wife, my parents and even associates, influence how I felt, how I acted and reacted.  That's crazy if you stop to think about it.  Why would any person give that kind of power to another person?  It doesn't make sense to me, to allow another person to dictate how you're going to feel.  I do understand, though, that it is easy to do.  I did it for many years.

     Andrew Wommack said in a recent sermon that we can trace our sinful nature to being self-centered.  A lot of my thinking use to be based on myself so when things wouldn't go the way that I wanted them to, I would have a negative reaction.  I'll tell you right now, if you depend on others to do the things you want them to do, and act the way you want them to act, you will be in for a long, painful and miserable existence.

     So, I have come to the conclusion that my happiness depends on me.  Calm down.  I can hear the collective "sighs" and "duhs" out there.  If you're so brilliant then why are your emotions like an out-of-control roller coaster?  Just because I came to this conclusion, doesn't mean that it's easy for me to incorporate it into my life.  I've been living contrary to this doctrine for many years, so it takes effort to use consistently.

     Today, I am happy.  Yesterday I was happy, and for many months now(8) I've been happy, consistently.  I still have issues, like everyone else, it's just that I see things and deal with things from a different perspective.  I don't consider myself as the centerpiece of this world(anymore).  Looking back, I can't believe how selfish I was.  It sickening thinking about it.  I choose to be better!  Not bitter!

The Father is Awesome!(as usual)

     As I went to church yesterday I had intentions on going down to the alter at the end of services and receive group prayer for my oldest son for whom I want God to intercede into his life.  I must say that this is a big deal for me as I'm not really big on asking others for anything including prayer.  That may sound odd as I'm Christian and we're to fellowship anyways.  I never said I was perfect or devout, as a matter of fact, until recently, I use to announce that I was "new" in my faith and still learning.  I'm still learning and receiving God's Word and I know this will be a life process but I don't consider myself a beginner any longer.

      Anyways, as my wife and I were in song worship, guess who comes out of nowhere, my son.  I was pleasantly surprised to see him as he didn't announce his plans to attend.  As a matter of fact, I hadn't even seen him since the day previous so his arrival was unexpected but welcome.  We talked briefly and he told me coming to church was a last minute idea and that he had come with some of his football teammates.  That's awesome.  I thanked The Father quietly and enjoyed the services.

      I had already been praying for my son.  He's the oldest(20) of my boys and he's from my first marriage.  I have two other children from my first wife and I believe, of the three, he's taken to the divorce the hardest.  He has issues with his mother, and in general, he's angry, which manifests itself in violence towards others.  He loves to fight.  Anyone.  As his father, I worry about his safety and his mental and spiritual health.  I love my son as I do all of my children.  I think most parents want the best for their kids and I can say as a father, I always want to do better for my children.  I know I can improve and I strive to do so.

      So, when my son showed up at church, I rejoiced outwardly and inwardly.  I even told him about my plan to go to the alter after services and pray on his behalf with others.  He was thankful of my considerations for him and asked me if I was still going down there which I replied, "no, you're already here, my prayer has been answered!".

Cell Phone etiquette

     I really didn't want to touch on this subject because, one, I don't use cellphones and two, I like to think common sense is "common".  However, it appears that some people either don't know or don't care, or a combination of both, about common courtesy when using cell phones.

     Today I was in court for my monthly probation hearing when a I heard a cell phone ring.  The ringtone was a heavy metal song that I didn't recognize, which was loud.  The young lady, to whom the phone belonged to, fumbled through her purse, pulled out the phone, which got louder, and proceeded to...wait for it......have a conversation.

     Ya, I was shocked too.  Really.  I mean, this occurred while court was in session, as the judge was sentencing someone.  There's a list of things that are wrong with this situation and I will address them, but first there's more to this story.  After the young lady finished her conversation, a court officer chastised her about using cell phones while in court, and informed her that if it occurred again, she would be escorted out of court, hence missing her appearance, and be issued a warrant for her arrest.  She sat back down but not before calling the court officer a pr%ck and saying something about him being rude.

     Now, I'm going to be careful here and not lump all cell phone users together but it seems to me that a lot of cell phone users feel entitled to use their cell phones anywhere and at anytime.  That's just my opinion.  Like I said before, I don't use or have a cell phone so my opinion is biased.  Technically, all opinions are biased as they are given from a perspective of one.

      Anyways, as I see it, this young lady had some nerve calling the court officer rude when she had the gall to take a call in court.  She was disrespectful of the judge, the rest of the defendants, and most importantly, herself.

      Everyone in the courtroom had been there before and we are all aware of the rules concerning court behavior like proper attire, no hats, shorts, flipflops, mini skirts, bandanas etc., no newspapers, magazines, no children and ALL CELL PHONES MUST BE TURNED OFF.  Those rules came with our paper work, but they are also posted outside of the courtroom.  So what would possess this young lady to "take a call" while in court?  I don't know, but I see it all the time.  One of the most offensive places I regularly hear cell phones rings is in church.  My pastor once said, "that better be God calling you because there's no other excuse for "taking a call" in church!". 

     I just shake my head because I can't understand how so many people are so self-centered, self-absorbed and oblivious to common courtesy.  They lack common sense and discipline and could care less if they're being obnoxious.  I don't understand it.

     Anyways, here's a list of common sense rules regarding cell phone use:
1.  When in public, talk as low as possible so other people can't even tell you're having a conversation.
2.  Turn your phone off in church, court, funerals, libraries, school, movie theaters and during ceremonies.
3.  Don't text and operate a vehicle.
4.  If you borrow someones cell phone, don't call long distance and don't stay on their phone longer than two minutes.
5.  If people are looking at you crazy while you're on your phone, you probably should hang up.

     I know there's more that I didn't include and if you have some let me know, I'll revise this list.  Just be considerate of others and all will be good!

My Day of the year

     My birthday was yesterday and the day was great.  I opted to stay home instead of going to class and spend the day the way I wanted to, which consisted of me beating the brakes off of my wife in dominoes, then having dinner at my favorite barbecue joint, Honey Bears in Phoenix off of Central, and then attending a church service at a Potters House of which I've never been to before.

     Honey Bears is "off the hook" for lack of better words.  I'm not sure, but I believe there's something addictive about their sauce because I couldn't stop eating those smoky, tender, juicy ribs.  It was like I was outside of my body watching myself consume those ribs with frightening determination and agility.  If my kids would've got any sauce on their fingers I may have bit them off, that's how good the sauce and the ribs were.

     Anyways, I left there unsatisfied but better for the experience and headed to a church a fellow classmate of mine invited me to.  You all know I love The Father and The Son, Jesus Christ so when my friend invited me, two days prior, I knew I was going to attend, even though the church is located way across town and I utilize public transportation.  I am glad I attended as Pastor TJ Horta was on fire.

     His particular sermon was on tithing(don't roll your eyes, I can see you) and it was good.  His point was that we are to give back to God what is already His and to do it "joyfully" without grudge or having to be at gun point.  I will be the first to admit that I am not the greatest of tithers but The Father is working with me on that issue and I believe we are making progress.  The experience was great and I'm happy I attended church on my birthday.  I've been to parties on my birthday, even jail on a couple of occasions, so I couldn't see why I shouldn't be in a place of worship to the Creator on the day I was created.  It was a no-brainer.

     So my day ended with a smile on my face and The Word in my heart and mind.  What more could I ask for?

In The Addict issue #4 vol. 1 Probation blues

     This issue of In The Addict deals with my probation issues.  If you've had an addiction for any period of time, you've probably been on probation or you're headed that way.  I don't wish that on anyone and if you can avoid it, do so, because it is financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically draining!

PROBATION BLUES

     If you've ever been on probation I truly sympathize with you.  I'm currently on probation for three years under Proposition 200 for possession of a controlled substance and paraphernalia.  I'm scheduled to be off in February 2012.  I was originally on probation for two years but because of violations(positive u.a.'s, non-payment, and missed classes) it was extended another year.  You gotta love the criminal justice system in this country.  I mean really, where else can you be incarcerated for essentially being poor? 

     If you're looking at felony charges and you don't have or can't afford an attorney, the very least you're looking at is probation.  Even if the charges are classified misdemeanors, you are more than likely facing probation and or fines.  Don't get me started on D.U.I.'s, because unless you're pulling in fifty thousand-plus a year, you cannot afford to drink and drive.  Your initial fines for driving under the influence start at twenty five hundred dollars and quickly go up from there.  Then there's court appearances, jail time, substance abuse classes, vehicle interlock devices, personal alcohol monitoring devices, impound fees, tow fees, missed worked and lost income.  I digress.

     Probation has been enlightening at the very least.  It's also been helpful, believe it or not, in the course of my recovery from a twenty-three year addiction.  My own probation consists of me seeing my probation officer once a month, seeing a judge(commissioner) once a month, dropping u.a.'s (urinary analysis) five times a week, community service, substance abuse counseling, twelve-step meetings, and the occasional weekend in jail.  I'm a full-time student and husband and father on top of that, so my days are not empty.  Even if I wanted to get high, which I don't, I don't have the time nor the resources to do so.  I believe that was part of my addiction problems as I had a lot of extra time on my hands to do nothing but indulge my flesh with all types of ungodly acts.

     When I first started my probation early in 2009, I wasn't cooperating with my probation officer.  I felt she was asking me to do things I couldn't do in the amount of time she was asking me to do them.  I was still getting high also, so I wasn't trying to follow the rules the system was putting on me.  I danced around probation for about nine or ten months until my probation officer got tired of my lack of effort and sent the s.w.a.t. team to my house to collect me.  That was fun.  They came ten deep, with guns drawn and a key to my house.  They knocked first and after I didn't respond, they opened my front door with a key and apprehended me like I just killed somebody.  Anyways, I went to jail for forty-five days(the longest I've ever been incarcerated) which was an experience in itself.  After that, I was assigned a new probation officer and put into a drug court program, which is essentially a form of intense probation.  Fast forward to today and I'm enjoying the longest period of sobriety since I began using drugs in the eighties, nearly one year, of no substances deemed illegal and or harmful to the general population.

     As always, I give all thanks and credit to The Father and The Son, Jesus Christ, who orchestrated all things in my life to work for the good(Romans 8:28).http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEayU5CsTjQ&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL 

Childhood blues

     My four year-old came home today with some new friends, head lice.  Fun, fun, fun.  I don't know if you've ever dealt with head lice, but they're loads of fun to get rid of.  They require a rigorous treatment of chemicals and tiny combs to get rid of the little pests, and even then that's no guarantee they're gone as they are as resilient as any unwelcome guest ever could be.  When my wife told me about the problem, over the phone, I instantly knew what my plan of attack would be.  Chop it all off.  I'm not going through this episode again.  My daughter came down with lice years earlier and that was a nightmare.  We went through four treatments before we finally got rid of those little b@$#@&!$ and after that I vowed if any of my children came down with lice, I was chopping off their hair.  Fast forward eight years and my son is now bald as I am because I refuse to fight with inhospitable blood suckers, not including my wife.

      Anyways, now that I've got that out of the way I can focus my attention on pleasant things like my anger management classes.  Man, those classes are a godsend.  Who ever knew I had some problems managing anger, but as these classes progress I continue to learn that I have issues I previously thought were part of the marriage package.  Who knew?  I thought it was normal to want to smother your significant other with a pillow when they were asleep because they refused to see things your way.  Just kidding.  Relax.  If you're married and don't have a sense of humor, you've got a long, dark road ahead of you.  Lighten up!

     My days are good.  Sometimes I joke around with serious issues but that's only because I'm not a serious person.  I'm thankful The Father has blessed me with His grace and love otherwise I would be walking around all sour and grumpy like some folks I see around me.  I'd rather be goofy but happy than proper and miserable.

     I completed my fourth installment in my Recovery in Jesus series and I'll soon be starting my next series entitled The Bridge to recovery.  I'll be bringing some of my Christian brothers and sisters to talk about recovery and how to succeed.  Look for that and my In The Addict series in the next few days!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEayU5CsTjQ

Happy April Fools Day!

     Man, it's the 1st of April, beginning of Spring(officially in March), beginning of baseball season(GO GIANTS and DiamondBacks) and my birthday in five days.  This is my month.  I love April, and not just because my birthday is in this month(well, ya, mainly because of that) but also because the seasons are changing and the feeling of "freshness" is upon us, or at least me.  I feel good.  I mean, really good!  I have to thank The Father and The Son Jesus Christ, because without knowing The Father I couldn't know the joy that I have now.

     Anyways, today's blog is gonna be light as I've been meaning to catch up on some reading of other blogs on this site.  I'm really diggin' M.O.T.M's(Mother of the Munchkins) site.  If you want to see what professional writing with a bit of humor looks like, check it out.  Also, my man Drasar Monumental(Hip Hop Battlefield) has that hard to find, underground, mixtape, unlimited variety, Hip Hop.  There's a few more blogs that I check for and if you look at my profile, I believe it shows who I follow.

     Look for my next In The Addict piece coming in the next few days, also my next video of Recovery in Jesus with Gary Mason should be up by tomorrow or Sunday on YouTube and FaceBook with a link here on my next blog.  Until then, in the famous words of Rick James, ENJOY YOURSELVES, IT'S A CELEBRATION!!!