Self-centered thinking

     Self-centered thinking is a killer.  I didn't realize how self-centered I was, nor how that kind of thinking affected my life.  That's not a shocker though because if you're self-centered you are so focused on yourself you can't see anything else except yourself.

     I am guilty.  God is still working with me in this and many other areas.  I am thankful for this because as I deal with my ego and self-centeredness, I'm able to overcome a lot of afflictions that are common among people who only think of themselves.  Some of those afflictions are:  depression, anger, anxiety, fear, vanity, and pride to name a few.  Self love makes you vulnerable to all of those things and more, because you can't see outside of yourself.  When things don't go your way, and they won't, you take it as a personal attack and experience frustration.  Now please don't confuse self love with loving yourself.  They are two different entities though the wording is similar.  Loving yourself is not the same as self love.  When you truly love yourself, you are able to receive forgiveness, you are able to love others and forgive others, you are concerned for others and not focused on yourself.

     Living a selfless life sounds wonderful, and it is.  For me however, it wasn't easily attainable.  I spent many years thinking I was The Gift, that my excrement had no odor and that I was seldom wrong about anything.  Man, I was a jerk.  I didn't think I was, but even if I realized I was, I would have rationalized it to work in my favor.  See, that's self-centered thinking.  When you can justify your faults and weaknesses as issues that everybody else will just "have to deal with" then you are only thinking of yourself.  I did this.  I was guilty of this.  I could've cared less how someone else felt about anything.  If it didn't align with my thoughts and beliefs then it was flawed and not worthy of my consideration.  What a pathetic existence I lived.

     I tell you I'm still a work in progress.  Fortunately I am able to see when my thinking is self-centered and I can correct the problem.  Unfortunately I don't do this as quickly as I should or could.  I'm not perfect(pretty close lol), but I'm no longer an insensitive jerk who only considers what is going on in my world.  I do care about others and when I'm able to put other people before me the reward is joy and fulfillment.