I've got to "keep it real" with my recovery

     I haven't lost focus on my sobriety and I continue in it everyday. Over the last year and a half I've made great changes in my life including breaking the bondage cocaine had over my life for twenty-plus years. However, I struggled with the precept that I had to let go of ALL substances. I can rationalize all day how twenty-four ounces of beer everyday isn't going to kill me or cause issues. I can point out that I'm not violent nor do I drive, that I have a 3.44 GPA in college, and that I'm liked by most people I know. But in my heart I know I have to let this go. No matter how harmless I may think it is, I still made a poor decision to use it knowing full well that I'm not supposed to drink because I'm on probation and there are consequences. Anytime a person knowingly goes against truth or law, that is an indicator there is a problem.

     I've been disappointed in myself for awhile now because I know what I'm supposed to be doing and yet I was choosing not to do it and justifying my behavior with the notion that I'm grown and can do what I want to do. A true indicator of a person reaching and acting as an adult is being able to deny oneself and make difficult decisions for truth and right, not rationalizing a behavior in order to please self. Thank you all for listening. I'm really talking to myself but I am transparent and I am not ashamed or afraid to share my thoughts, failures and successes with anyone, especially people I consider friends!

Sobriety Tip # 599

     Beware of complacency!  I believe I've touched on this before but as I continue my recovery I fall into complacency at times so for a reminder I will look at it again.

     This last year has been incredible.  My life has been going extremely well, being sober, success in college, strong in faith, family prospering and growing.  This causes me to be cautious because I don't want to forget where I came from, what I've been through.  It's very possible to lose your sobriety when you lose focus of goals and dreams so, as a person recovering, it is important to be aggressive toward your sobriety.  Do whatever it takes to keep your sobriety in the forefront.  Incorporate your recovery into your daily activities.  Personally, I'm subscribed to several sites that are dedicated to sobriety, I attend different meetings, when possible, throughout the week, and I try to create dialogue and video concerning recovery as often as possible.  Even doing all of this, I still feel as though I'm not doing enough toward my recovery so I look for other ways to stay on top of my recovery.

     Most importantly, don't let your recovery fall to the wayside.  Be diligent in your efforts and keep your sobriety "fresh!"

Gettin’ My Needs Met

     A lot of strife that comes my way is due to self-centered thinking.  Seriously, when I’m thinking about what I need and then try to get it in my own power, I always come across opposition.  Most of my opposition comes in the form of other people not cooperating with my program.  I don’t believe I ask for much, but it’s become painfully apparent that the things I do ask for from family and friends are too much for them to handle.

     One of my issues is what I consider “proper respect” from my wife.  I’m 42 and relatively young but I come from an era of time when a man was the head of his house, acted like it, and was given his due respect.  I’m not trying to act all manly and demand respect.  I’m a firm believer that respect is earned, not given freely, though I respect everyone I meet until they prove otherwise.  Anyways, I’ve never had a problem communicating my ideals and beliefs to anyone.  I speak my feelings and thoughts with clarity and passion and will even clarify everything so there will be no mistakes as to what I’m saying, but all of that falls on deaf ears when it comes to my wife.  Lack of communication is one of the most frustrating and damaging things that can happen in a relationship.  It will leave all parties involved feeling unsatisfied and unhappy.

     Fortunately, I operate with the Holy Spirit and I’m able to reach beyond the pain and frustration of dealing with people who will never be able to give me happiness or meet my needs.  It took awhile to understand this concept and to achieve the level of faith necessary (a mustard seed) to have peace and joy.  I don’t fault my wife or anyone else for not being able to satisfy my needs, I just understand that that’s not what we were created for.  We were created to live in harmony with each other but that can only be accomplished if we first seek The Father and The Son Jesus Christ.  Operating outside of His will only leads to strife and if you don’t believe me, look at your own life and look at the things you’ve been through and determine if the strife you’ve went through in your life could have been avoided or lessened if you were operating within the love of Jesus Christ!

You Can't Take The Funk Off A Skunk!

     I recall a saying from back in my youth that was, "if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and looks like a duck, it's a duck."  That's basically saying not to doubt what you are seeing or disregard it for something else.

     The reason I bring this up is because these last couple of terms at my college I've been deluged with a bunch of material that has racist, derogatory writings and images.  I was offended, which is an issue I'm working on because I'm not supposed to be easily offended if I truly call myself a follower of Christ.

     Anyways, I called into question the reasoning behind my instructors choices for materials that we must disseminate for learning purposes.  One of my instructors informed me that we are going to watch the movie Crash for a study in characterization.  Now that could be a plausible reason for watching that movie but I'm certain there are hundreds of better movies that we could watch for the same exercise that don't have racist overtones.  We've also been reading literature that has racist overtones and again I must point out that there are thousands upon thousands of well written stories by award winning authors that we could read yet we are having to read these things.

     Now this is where I was having trouble figuring out if this is a duck or something else.  At first I wanted to dismiss the whole thing as required reading for class projects but the same instructor was giving us more material with racist overtones and that's what caused me to reconsider his motives.  I've made it known that I was uncomfortable with certain aspects of the material we're studying.  My instructor took a defensive stance but did offer to allow students who may be offended by said material to substitute it with something not offensive.  But why does my instructor choose a majority of racist material?

     I like the color blue.  I wear a lot of blue clothing.  I consciously and subconsciously pick blue over other colors because that's what I like.  I submit that formula to be applied to the above situation.  My instructors haven't admitted to being predisposed toward racist attitudes but their duck prints say differently!

Fresh Out Of Jail!

     Man, I'm fresh outa Joe Arpio's Tent City.  Had to spend twenty-four hours there for not doing my community service last month.  I wasn't going to write anything about my experience there as I don't like re-living jail experiences but I thought I'd share with you a little of what went on in there.

     First, I must say that the hardest part of the whole experience was the part where I had to turn myself in.  That whole idea of bringing myself to jail goes against every fiber in my body.  Back in the day, when I was runnin' the streets and doing everything my flesh wanted to do, I made it a habit to make the police work for my arrest.  I would run from them, curse them, attack them, insult them, refuse to speak to them, spit on them, lie to them, anything I could to make my arrest that much more difficult for them.  And now I'm expected to turn myself in willingly and freely without a fight.  I don't think so, yet that's exactly what I did.

     The whole experience wasn't bad.  I met a few interesting people in there and saw and heard a lot of interesting things, but things started to go bad about an hour after I got in.  The sheriff came into the cell I was in and pulled me out to tell me she had good news and bad news.  The good news was, the way the judge wrote my order, I was going to be released earlier than expected.  The bad news was, I had an outstanding warrant so I was going to have to go to court and possibly have to stay longer than expected.  I got sick to my stomach over that revelation and then I went through various emotions including anger and fear.  It was right then I recognized this for an attack after which I instantly went to the Father and the Son Jesus Christ and prayed which caused me to remember that I have nothing to fear if I really trust Him and love Him, which I do.  So my fear and anger went away instantly and I started laughing at some of the ridiculous things I was hearing from some of my fellow inmates.

     One guy, who I suspect was on some heavy drugs, starting banging on the cell door demanding to speak to a supervisor because he no longer wanted to participate in being locked up and he wanted to know if he could come back the next day and try it all over again.  When they told him no he asked if he could be let out of the cell and sit down in the hallway because he was claustrophobic.  The sheriff reminded him that this was jail which is purposely made of confining spaces and that he would have to stay in the cell.  It went down hill for him after that as he started hallucinating and crying and continued to bang on the door which was making some of the other inmates angry.

     Another inmate starting talking about how easy it is to get someones identity and do all types of things to that persons accounts.  His words were very disturbing even to the point that I've considered changing my FaceBook account because he pointed out a way that was very easy to hack my page and create a new one with my identity.  I really can't believe that some people are so malicious as to destroy another persons reputation and credibility just because they can.  That made me sigh because I want to believe that every person has some good inside of them but I have to face the reality of this world that some people are inherently bad and will stay that way until the Second Coming.

     Anyways, I got out at around 3:30 pm, only five hours after I was originally scheduled to and I went home and showered.  I'm glad that experience is over and I'm glad to be free but most importantly I'm glad to know and love Jesus Christ because it's through Him I'm able to get through all adversity!

Past love, present happiness. Real friendship never dies!

My youngest son Emanuel and an unknown friend

     I'm hooked on FaceBook.  I'm on it everyday, I keep meeting new people and finding old friends.  This happened recently as a high school love found me and sent a friend request.  I accepted it, of course, and called her shortly thereafter so we could catch up on the past.  Come to find out she hasn't changed much since the days when I called her mine.  She still has a sweetness in her voice and I can sense that a touch of innocence remains.

     Reuniting with her has brought back all types of memories, mostly good, but it has caused me to reflect on where I've been and where I'm headed.  When her and I were together, I was at the tender age of fifteen and I was just starting to learn about adult life.  I didn't have a clue about women, love, sex or life.  When I think about it, I still am kind of clueless when it comes to the machinations of a woman.  I have a feeling I will never understand the mind of a woman but that's another story.  During the two years we were together I got a crash course in love and heartbreak, in joy and pain, but if I had to do it all over again I wouldn't hesitate.  That part of my life was a necessary journey that helped me get to where I'm at today.

     Hence, I am happy to have heard from her and she has given me a new perspective of the life I live.  I owe her a lot for the lessons I learned while with her and the things that she contributed to my becoming a man.  She represents one of my oldest friends and though we were past lovers I consider her a good friend and I hope she feels the same!

First week back!

Gary Orlando Mason

     Coming to the end of my first week back at Collins and it's been great.  All of my classes are interesting and so are some of my classmates.  I'm still a little shell-shocked by the amount of money my books and software came to.  This term alone came out to over eleven hundred dollars and because of that I've resolved to get the maximum value out of everything I have.  I believe I can get ten times the amount of money I spent out of the books and software I purchased.

     I've got some new projects coming up and I'm attempting to get my own business off the ground so things are pretty exciting.  I've got some hot scripture I want to share with all of you but I think I'll wait 'til the weekend.  So until then.  Adios!