The Supernatural

Not my actual car.  Mine was worse(front end torn off completely)

     So many people have problems with Christianity and believing that Jesus Christ can do anything for their lives that I am constantly amazed and often saddened by their actions and comments.  Every single day I see people living an existence without knowing Jesus and I think to myself how much better their lives could be if they opened themselves up to Him.  I do have sympathy for them and I pray for my lost brothers and sisters.

     For me, it's a no-brainer.  Jesus Christ is real, he has power over death, and he loves his children.  Why am I so adamant about my beliefs?  Good question.  I've had too many supernatural events occur in my life for me to deny there is a God and in particular, Jesus Christ.  By supernatural I mean things that don't occur naturally.  Like the time I had been drinking an excessive amount of alcohol.  I started the day by drinking two 40oz. bottles of 211 malt liquor, then I went to a DiamondBacks baseball game and drank four 32oz beers (spilling one on the lady in front of me) and then deciding that I was good enough to drive home.  My wife, one of my children, and a friend of mine were with me.  My wife could have driven as she doesn't drink but I insisted I drive.  Long story short, on the way home I got into a serious collision where I hit another vehicle, tearing the front end off of my car and significantly damaging the other vehicle.  This is where the supernatural events occurred.  First, everyone involved in the accident only received minor injuries.  My five year old daughter got a bloody nose from hitting the dashboard as I allowed her to sit in the front seat with my wife with no child restraint.  My wife had a fractured wrist, my friend had some bruises and I had a dislocated big toe.  The other driver had no injuries.  If you'd seen my car you would have been amazed that we walked away at all.  Next, the other driver was at fault for the accident and was cited.  However, since I had been drinking, I received an aggravated DUI and went to jail that night.  I later went to court where the prosecuting attorney wanted me to go to prison for three years, jail for two years and be on probation for one year.  I couldn't afford an attorney, at over $10,000 dollars, so I chose to be represented by a public defender who was overworked and doing my case for free.  The case ended up being dismissed because the presiding judge believed the police violated my rights by questioning me without my understanding the Miranda rights.
    
     My wife and I attended a church in Prescott and after the services the pastor approached my wife and told her The Lord put on his heart to give two families $500 a piece after which he handed my wife the money.  A local agency paid over $600 dollars toward my electric bill which lasted from February until October.  I overcame an intense addiction to cocaine after 23 years of use.  I'm currently in college with a GPA of 3.42.  My family is healthy, I'm healthy and all of our needs are met including our housing, clothing and food and neither my wife nor I have worked (not from the lack of looking) since '08.  There is nothing natural in our ability to provide for our family and that's because we trust Jesus Christ.  He tells us not to worry about our day-to-day existence because one, worrying will not add one day to your life and two, let the day worry about itself.

      There is no way you will ever know if what I'm saying will work for you unless you try for yourself.  Walking around in your own power is unsatisfying and will never bring lasting happiness but you've got to find out for yourself.

The uncertainty of it all

     Sitting in court yesterday caused me to reflect on the reasons why I don't like being in court.  Beyond the obvious reasons like fear of incarceration, embarrassment and shame, I believe it's the uncertainty of the outcome that is the most unsettling aspect of appearing in court.

     I'm on probation for a possession charge I received in May of '08.  Part of my probation terms is that I appear in court once a month for review to make sure I'm following all the rules of probation.  Following all the rules and requirements of probation should be a guarantee of no further incarceration and it is for the most part.  I guess the issue I have is I've made it through most of my probation with relative little incarceration time.  I haven't followed all of the requirements such as paying my fees which are in excess of three thousand dollars.  I also haven't done all of my community service so when I go to court I'm always expecting to go to jail.  Sometimes it happens but more times than not, it doesn't. 

     That's where the uncertainty comes to play.  The judge makes her decisions on a case by case basis with no rhyme or reason.  Sometimes she follows protocol and makes her judgement strictly by the terms set by probation.  Other times she overlooks items and gives defendants alternatives to jail or no punishment at all.  I've also witnessed defendants do everything they are required to do and yet they still had consequences because of some unknown term or unspecified amount of money unpaid was discovered.  It's because of this way of handling her cases that's leads to uncertainty.

     I don't want to appear as though I'm pessimistic, however when I go to court I expect to go to jail.  When I don't it's a victory, when I do it's not a surprise!

Can you tell a Christian by looking at him?

     I was at the local Walmart shopping and I was looking at people as they went by and I was imagining what their lives were like purely on their appearances.  I saw a woman in her forties, dressed conservatively, short haircut, smile on her face, I thought to myself, "she's Christian or Mormon."  I chuckled to myself because I know there is no way to tell about a person just on outward appearances.  However, most people are guilty of doing this as it is natural to judge a person on first impression.

     I'm guilty of this and I'm also a victim of this.  I remember one time I was at a friends house and he had some guests arrive who happened to have shaved heads.  I automatically assumed they were Aryan nation "skin heads."  I was right about that but I had also assumed that they didn't like African Americans or any race that wasn't white.  I was wrong about that one as these skin head gentlemen were quite hospitable.  We drank beers and conversed for hours about sports, women and life.  I learned a lesson, again, about judging a book by its cover and I vowed at that point not to do it again, but I tell you it is a hard habit to break, not judging others on appearances alone.

     I recall another time I was at a Christmas party and I was the only African American present.  I was sitting in the dining area with a group of people when they decided they were going to go to the family room for entertainment.  I decided to stay in the dining room and enjoy the peace when a woman came back into the room and grabbed her purse and clutched it her chest and looked at me crazy and huffed out of the room.  I frowned to myself and shook my head.  I could've been offended by the implication that I was going to steal her purse but I let it go.  She doesn't know me and to assume I was going to steal her purse was sad.  I can't imagine living a life of fear of strangers or of anything for that fact.

     Another time I was sitting in a parked car at a grocery store when a Caucasian woman parked next to me.  Her passenger got out and went into the store but she stayed behind.  She looked over at me and quickly locked her door.  I was flabbergasted.  I locked my door in return and looked at her crazy.  I believe I was in danger more than she was.

     To be honest, I've never struggled too much with judging others or making assumptions without facts.  As a matter of fact I'm pretty open when it comes to meeting and socializing with others without preconceived notions.  I have a wide variety of acquaintances.  I believe most people are good until proven otherwise.  I listen to people talk after which I'm able to establish where their heart lays.  If you listen carefully to what people say they will tell you a lot about themselves.  Don't be quick to judge by appearances or else you could miss out on a wonderful relationship!

What do you really know about me?

     Setting the record straight with complete transparency is my goal with this post.  I thought it necessary as it appears as though people around me have been shocked and or hurt by my words, comments and actions.

     Let's start off with words that describe me.  Taskmaster, disciplinarian, perfectionist, rebellious, anti-social, judgmental, no-joke, sensitive, loving, humorous, skeptical, daring, intelligent, fast, slow, undefinable.  That's just a few to start with.  I am known for giving encouragement to others, carefully choosing my words, and possessing the ability, and using it, to communicate effectively.  What some people might not know is, I bite my tongue a lot in an effort to spare people pain and hurt.  Words are powerful and if I were to speak all that is on my mind I would quite possibly damage people significantly.  As it is now, I feel like I don't say enough, but even the little that I do say has caused some temporary pains amongst people around me.

      Without me saying anything, I don't believe it is hard to figure out where I'm coming from or how I operate.  I'm pretty simple, I stick to a routine and I'm transparent about all that I do.  I believe that I am so transparent that people have trouble believing what they are seeing and hearing.  Quite often I've seen the look of disbelief upon the faces of colleagues after I've spoken.  Truth be told, which it is, I only speak in truths and facts which can be painful for some but inspiring to others.  I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to be a people pleaser and people could take or leave me as they saw fit.  As it is, I don't have a large circle of friends which is okay.  My wife is extraordinary in the fact that she has to live with me and deal with my persona continuously.  People really should be thankful to her because if I didn't have her to vent on, there would be a lot of mentally and physically destroyed people whimpering in a fetal position.  I digress.

     I'm not a hard guy.  I do carry myself in a certain manner and I do have expectations for myself and others that are around me.  I am creative and spontaneous and when an obstacle presents itself, I am able to get around it with fluidity.  I don't do well with limitations and I can't stand to see my friends hindered by limitations.  People say they've got problems, well I've got solutions.

     I don't say anything I don't mean and I don't like repeating myself nor do I like being taken for as a joke.  I will give anything I have if I'm able to and I will always listen to anyone who wants to talk.  All I ask for is for people not to come at me with any kind of bull$#!+ because I will be quick to remind you of who you are talking to!

I've got to "keep it real" with my recovery

     I haven't lost focus on my sobriety and I continue in it everyday. Over the last year and a half I've made great changes in my life including breaking the bondage cocaine had over my life for twenty-plus years. However, I struggled with the precept that I had to let go of ALL substances. I can rationalize all day how twenty-four ounces of beer everyday isn't going to kill me or cause issues. I can point out that I'm not violent nor do I drive, that I have a 3.44 GPA in college, and that I'm liked by most people I know. But in my heart I know I have to let this go. No matter how harmless I may think it is, I still made a poor decision to use it knowing full well that I'm not supposed to drink because I'm on probation and there are consequences. Anytime a person knowingly goes against truth or law, that is an indicator there is a problem.

     I've been disappointed in myself for awhile now because I know what I'm supposed to be doing and yet I was choosing not to do it and justifying my behavior with the notion that I'm grown and can do what I want to do. A true indicator of a person reaching and acting as an adult is being able to deny oneself and make difficult decisions for truth and right, not rationalizing a behavior in order to please self. Thank you all for listening. I'm really talking to myself but I am transparent and I am not ashamed or afraid to share my thoughts, failures and successes with anyone, especially people I consider friends!