Life and Art

     Does life imitate art or art imitate life?  I would say the latter.  It was once said, and I believe it, "there are no original stories, everything recorded has been done before".  Centuries ago there were tales, myths and legends about vampires and werewolves in Transylvania.  Those stories began as folklore and were passed on generation to generation until modern day vampires and werewolves are now seen as attractive and likable due to the entertainment industries artistic viewpoints.

     While it is true people do imitate what they see on the big screen or in magazines and books.  Movies and publishing's take their materials from actual events whether it be from gang warfare, natural disasters, technology or the human plight.  The entertainment industry makes hundreds of billions of dollars portraying and or glamorizing these events to the masses.  It is inevitable that some would imitate what they see especially if they are easily impressionable and that is why there has to be responsibility in what is shown and viewed by others.

     When I saw Menace II Society in my mid twenties I was shocked to see such a graphic interpretation of gang life on the big screen.  I know there were some impressionable people that saw that movie and gained an interest in that lifestyle and possibly imitated it.  However, drug dealing and murder were dominant in lower class neighborhoods across the country long before any movies or documentaries or news programs brought it to the forefront of the American people.  Vlad The Impaler was committing atrocious acts long before The Twilight series came out and Al Capone was racketeering way before the Soprano's won their first Emmy so I can easily conclude that art imitates life and all of it's ups and downs.

In the Flesh

     Do you wanna know what sucks about living in The Flesh?  Everything!  I can't find one redeeming quality about living in my flesh.  I'm serious.  When I live in The Flesh everything foul is possible.  My flesh is selfish, greedy, deceitful, conniving, manipulative and just all around foul.  There's no getting around those facts.  When I look at a woman with lust, that's my flesh.  When I'm envious of others wealth, that's my flesh.  When I can conceive wicked plans to get ahead, that's my flesh.  When I have a feeling of entitlement, that's my flesh.  When I don't appreciate the things I have and not grateful for them, that's my flesh. 
     It's a daily battle but not one that I can't win.  Everyday my flesh wants to do some bullsh*t like use foul language, listen to foul music, look at every passing female with lust or take a lackadaisical approach to the day at hand.  Submitting to any of those gives Satan an opening into my life which I cannot afford.
     The good news is.....The Good News!!!  I tell you that I start my day off with some scripture, usually hearing it from Pastor Murray.  Shortly thereafter I thank The Father for another day and for the previous day, ask for forgiveness for any shortcomings, ask for strength to get through the day and specify anything that may be on my mind.  After that, I try to read some scripture.  Most of the time I'm successful but sometimes I'm not.  Then I go about my day.  My days are really blessed.  I'm able to do  things that alot of people can't.  I get to enjoy the day fully, my children, my wife and friends from school.  I want to live a pleasing life to God and be a service to others.  That's all!!!

Journal #6

     If I could have a conversation with anyone about anything who would I choose?  Man, that's tough because I can think of alot of people I would like to talk to about alot of things.  I'm going to have to narrow this list down to conversations that would be beneficial.  I would love to talk to baseball great Barry Bonds and find out how he deals with pressure and adversity.  I would love to ask Michael Vick what he was thinking when he decided that he was going to act like he was still livin' in the hood and runnin' the streets and illegally gambling and fighting dogs.  I would love to ask Nate Newton why, after he was arrested with over four hundred pounds of marijuana, he was arrested again with over six hundred pounds of marijuana six months later.  All of this while playing professional football.

     I would really love to talk to the great Dr. Martin Luther King jr. and ask him what he thinks of the progression we have made as a people in this society and what he believes we could do to make things better.

     My greatest conversations currently are with Jesus Christ.  I talk to him daily and I'm thankful that he's there for me, listens to me, calms me and cares for me.  I couldn't get more from anyone else!!

Manpons

     This may sound strange but for some reason I've been irritable lately, especially with my wife.  I don't know what it is but for some reason she can't seem to do anything right in my eyes and it's causing problems.  When I get like this my wife likes to say I'm crabby or it's that time of the month for me. 

     Seriously though, if you've ever been in any kind of long term relationship with anybody, you know that after awhile you have expectations.  Theoretically you should be able to anticipate your significant other on most issues.  That's what communication is about.  It allows you to know what another person is thinking, doing or feeling.  I would think after ten years you would know what pleases and upsets someone you're close too.  And if you don't, what does that mean?  Does it mean you'll never know?  Or don't care to know?  Those are tough questions.  Do you wait around another ten years and hope your significant other catches on?  Or do you cut your losses, call it quits and find someone more compatible?  All good questions.  No easy answers.

     Personally, I'm praying that in the next ten years my wife and I will be on a level where we don't have to tell each other what we want or need and that we can anticipate each other without even speaking(or at least without her speaking so much lol.)  Wishful thinking but after twenty years together if we don't know each other by then, I'm gonna have my ear drums removed and enjoy the silence!!!!!

Decisions and Consequences

     I love The Lord and I realize why He wants us to follow his Word and be obedient to it.  The consequences to not being obedient to The Word only hurt us and that's not Jesus's intention.  The Father would rather us live in blessings and happiness than sorrow and misery.
     Why do I bring this up?  Because I made a bad choice yesterday and today I am filled with remorse and regret and a general feeling of sadness.  It's not the end of the world but right now I don't feel good about myself and I may have caused myself some unnecessary  hardships in the upcoming weeks.
     Truthfully, I relapsed yesterday after having over five months of sobriety, the longest time I've had in over twenty three years.  The worse part is, or maybe it could be the opposite, I didn't enjoy it and I didn't enjoy being around the people I was with.  Not only that, I realized that nothing has changed in that lifestyle and that I'm not missing anything that has to do with that lifestyle.  I am really sorry.
      I am making a positive situation out of the negative.  This relapse has strengthened my resolve to regain and retain sobriety.  I'm not giving up nor feeling sorry.  Joel Olsteen just pointed out that I can use this situation to sharpen myself or as he put it "iron sharpens iron".  I do believe I will be stronger coming out of this.  I wrote this for those of you who may be suffering from an addiction or something else to show you that you're not alone and that you can immediately move forward instead of staying stagnant and wallowing in self-pity!!!

Lovin' Life

     I woke up this morning, again, feeling good.  Thank You Father.  Without You I have nothing.  I love The Lord.
     It's Friday, I have no classes, I have no money, today I'm gonna get ............  Just kidding.  That was part of a scene from the movie Friday with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker.  Anyways my day has started off great.  I got up around 4 a.m. and watched Pastor Murray or I should say he watched me because I fell back asleep on the couch during his program.  However I believe I still heard his sermon as I was sleeping.  Studies have shown that we still absorb information while we are asleep.  There is an old technique of recording a lesson and playing it while you're asleep.  In the morning you will have absorbed that information and would be able to apply it.  My problem is I haven't actually tested the theory to know if it works or not.  It sounds plausible.  Sometimes I'll fall asleep leaving the t.v. on and my dreams will incorporate parts of whats playing on t.v.  I was dreaming there was this crazy music playing and I was trying to find out where it was coming from with no luck.  When I woke up that music in my dream was coming from my television.  I fell asleep to Dave Chappelle Season Two dvd and it was repeating itself.  Weird huh.
     Anyways, I missed my instructor in class yesterday.  I was concerned about her because it's not like her to miss class.  I e-mailed her and prayed for her safety.  She e-mailed back stating she had over slept.  Thankfully she is okay.  She's a sweety.  I like her.  She's cute, she's intelligent and she has a great smile and kindness about her.  I'm surprised she's single but I believe that's her choice because she wouldn't have to put in a lot of effort to capture the heart of a man.  She has a lot of very appealing qualities that any man would love and appreciate.  For one, she smiles easily.  Believe it or not that's an important trait for most men.  We don't like frowny women.  Even if they are approachable, if they are constantly frowning or not smiling, we will likely avoid them no matter how "fine" they are.  If you're smiling or smile easily you send a positive message.  Second, she's intelligent.  She can hold a conversation properly meaning she has intelligent things to say and also listens to and is interested in what others have to say.  That is not a common trait which makes her even more appealing.  Anyways, she's great and I admire her.  I was relieved to hear she is okay.
     Today I'm going to accomplish getting my homework completed.  I have a lot to do so with that I will end this and post again soon.  C ya!!!!

Supernatural

     Kind of an awkward subject to discuss because of the many implications but my thoughts and experiences with the supernatural are interesting, at least to me.  About fifteen years prior, I never gave much thought to supernatural events, magic, astrology, demons, angels, witches, spirits, ghosts and the such.  I was very much wrapped up in my own small world and could care less about things that were beyond my control but slowly I started becoming aware of things that lacked rational explanations.  Things were happening to me and around me that I would excuse as "luck" or misfortune or just totally ignore because they were so illogical.
     However, after finding Jesus Christ and building and strengthening my faith, I began to see things differently which is expected if you're born again.  Anyways,  I started looking at situations as they really were by my interpretation.  For example I was heavily involved in drugs and gangs and the lifestyle was horrific.  I witnessed, and was a part of all types off heinous goings on including adultery, beatings, shootings, robberies, jackings and worse.  The bad part was I was okay with these things.  I didn't realize it at the time but the drug use had clouded my mind and my ability to interpret what was actually happening around me.  Now you might be saying "duh" that's what drugs do, burn brain cells and cause stupidity, but there's something more insidious happening.  A pastor pointed out to me that drugs fall under witch craft according to The Bible.  When I heard this, things started making sense as to why they were happening like when I consciously tried to stop using cocaine, all of a sudden, and I mean immediately, people started coming around with "free" dope.  My dope dealer called me up to see if I needed a "front"( free dope).  This is the same guy who, when I had $400 dollars and needed an ounce at 3am he said he couldn't do it 'cause he was tired.
     When I declared to a friend that I was done fornicating and had been successful in turning down sexual advances, loose women started falling out of the sky.  I don't care how good looking you are, it's not natural to have sex with three complete strangers and you're wife in the same day and within' hours of each other.
      Around this time I realized there was a problem and it wasn't just with the obvious things that were happening.  These things weren't just coincidences, luck or random events.  They were planned strategically by an unseen and unbelieved enemy.  Satan.  I didn't want to believe this to be possible because it was just plain scary.  Plus there is a lot of responsibility required being Christian and that wasn't something I immediately wanted to accept but I couldn't ignore what was happening around me either.  My life was in jeopardy and that was real.  I had been jacked several times, twice at gun point, once by knife.  My best-friend, my brother for all intents and purposes was shot, aquaintences had been killed, I was raped by a dope dealing woman who I suspect may have been a succubus or something like that.  There's more but I think you get the point.
     On the other side of all that there have been a lot of positive yet logically unexplainable things that have happened to me also.  Like the time my wife and I went to a church out in Prescott, AZ and after the services the pastor approached us and said God put it on his heart to give two families $500 dollars a piece after which he handed my wife five one hundred dollar bills.  Or the time my brother got shot.  I was supposed to meet him at the spot where it happened but I ended up staying at home with my wife that night.  Or the many times I was surrounded by killers and ruthless people and yet walked away with my life.  Or the way negative happenings ended up with positive results because as it is said in Romans 8:28 "all things work for the good for those who love The Lord and are called according to his purpose."
     I'm sure many explanations can be rationalized but I'm a believer in Jesus Christ, hence I also believe in Satan and according to The Bible he is out to destroy and kill.  Now I know the enemy as he has known me!!!

First things First

I love The Father and The Son Jesus Christ.  I was listening to Paula White on the Church Channel and she was talking about giving the Father the first of everything you have.  She said, "the first minutes of your day, your first thoughts, your first actions and the list went on.  What an awesome concept.  I do wake up in the morning and thank The Father for this day and I pray and talk to The Lord.  I tell you that since I made this a practice, my days have been peaceful.  I still have some strife occasionally but I'm able to handle it with grace and dignity and that's not by my doing that's all from The Father.  Ever since I started praying and thanking The Father first thing in my waking hours(which I started doing approximately 5 months ago) my life has changed significantly.  I currently have 5 months(143 days) of sobriety from a 23 year addiction.  That's big.  I couldn't stop that behavior on my own.  I tried.  It didn't work when I was doing it on my own.  I'm currently in my second term of college working toward my first Bachelor of Arts in Film and Video.  My wife and I still have some issues but nothing like they were previously.  My creative mind is working again and all of this is because of Jesus Christ in my life.  Even as I write this I'm having a temptation issue but I've been praying on it and asking Jesus to intercede on my behalf to help me get past this thing because I don't trust myself.  I'm not going to worry about it anymore.  As a saying goes, "if you're worrying you're not praying and if you're praying you're not worrying"!!!!

Journal #5

What is my motivation?  Interesting topic.  You've got to see some pictures of my beautiful children.  I have three boys and two girls and I guarantee if I didn't have them I wouldn't be here.  My life would be very dark without them.  Their names are Evene, Eric, Emonni, Extavius and Emanuel.  They're my motivation.  They're my life.  I don't want to live if it meant I had to do it without them.  They're the greatest accomplishment I have.  That's my motivation.  My love for my children.

Journal # 4

Villains.  Who likes villains?  Of all the movies I've seen I can't seem to think of any villain more despicable than Darth Vader's alter ego Annakin Skywalker.  In Episode Three he snapped and killed a bunch of children and for that I can't even watch that entire episode and now cannot stand Annakin or the actor that portrayed him.  Weird huh?  Some actors have such powerful performances that it is difficult for me to separate their acting from reality.  I will forever see Lorenz Tate as "O-dogg" from Menace II Society because he just killed that role.

Pleasant Memories

I've got a project in English where I have to write a story preferably light and positive which I have no problem with however it made me reflect on past memories and how many of them were positive.  It's sad to say that I had to think for awhile to recall pleasant memories.  What does that say about my current thought patterns.  I don't know.  I like to think that I'm a relatively positive person.  Maybe it's because most of my thoughts are pleasant anyways and I don't really have to try to find positive thoughts, they're already there.  I don't know.  Anyways,  I think I'll tell a story about my children as I can always look to them for joy and amusement.

Journal # 3

In my mid-twenties I didn't socialize until around 11:30 pm and go 'til about 6:00 am.  In Reno, things don't get interesting until midnight and clubs don't shut down.  Then I moved to Phoenix when I was thirty and continued my lifestyle out here.  The difference out here is this isn't a twenty-four hour town.  If you're out past 3 a.m. you're doing something wrong.  The only people out in Phoenix at 3 in the morning are police and tweakers.  The witching hour is from 12 a.m. to 3 a.m and all types of demonic entities are out and about during and beyond those hours.  Today, I'm in bed usually before 9 p.m. and I'm good with that.  I wake up at 4 a.m. watch my favorite pastor Arnold Murray and get ready for the day.  I'm refreshed.  The night doesn't appeal to me anymore other than for sleep.

Glad to be

Back at school.  Weekend was enjoyable even though I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to.  I also modified my diet by adding baked chicken to it and I broke my fast early.  Man that was tough.  I was shootin' for twenty four hours but I only lasted 22 hours or so.  I'll do better next time.  I swear when I fast every food out there looks extremely good like everything is enhanced like on commercials.  I went over to my inlaws and the house was filled with excellent aromas.  Too much pressure.  I finally broke when I got home.  I was looking for a reason to eat and then my wife gave it to me.  She started trippin' on what I'll never know but that set me off and I baked twelve chicken wings and ate each one like I never had a chicken wing before.  There goes the fast but my diet stayed in tact.

Anyways,  I went ahead and got a tutor for photoshop.  I had to because right now the class is over my head and between my legs.  I can't keep up.  I know I can learn this subject however, my teacher, Mr. Montalbano, moves a bit too quick for this old man to keep up with.  I'm not panicking yet that's why I went and got a tutor.  I may be old but I ain't stupid lol.

I love the Lord!

Whew!  I love the Lord Jesus Christ.  I love The Word, I love The Father and I love the Holy Spirit.  I just left church and I feel good.  I believe you should always feel better when you leave church than when you arrived.  Personally, I need church because it's like a filling station for me.  I fill up with the Holy Spirit, with The Father and The Son which gives me strength to be able to get through the following days.  I pray everyday and thank The Father everyday and study some Scripture everyday(almost) and that also gives me strength.  But hearing The Word "live" and being in fellowship with others, there's no substitute.  For me it's a renewal of Faith and Hope and Love and helps me to focus on my Christianity.  I can't get enough!

Well, I'm on day two of my diet and let me tell you something, diets suck!  I realize that if I liked the diet system then I'm probably not on a diet that's going to be effective.  If you ever want to make changes in your life, more than likely you're going to have to do some things that will take you out of your comfort zone.  No pain, no gain!  However, I don't care how I rationalize this thing, it still sucks!  I was hungry yesterday.  For the whole day I ate three pieces of Talapia, two servings of rice, three salads, and several spoonfuls of beans.  That may sound like a lot to some of you but for me that's ONE meal.  I didn't get this girlish figure(all 230 lbs.) by eating rabbit food and nobody told my appetite that we were dieting.  My appetite, which resides in my stomach, keeps texting my brain that there's a shortage of supplies and that if it's not taken care of soon there will be consequences and repercussions to deal with.  I can't reason with this dude.  He won't shut up.  Finally, I decided to just shut the whole factory down and go to sleep which helped a little bit.  Today, I'm fasting and I expect all types of resistance.  I don't know what it is about fasting(yes I do) but I swear food looks bigger and better when you're trying to avoid eating it.  My wife just came into the room with a sandwich bigger than her head.  She doesn't know I'm fasting and I swear she eats like a sick sparrow but of course today she's eating like she's trying out for the Cardinals.  It's only 1:30 so I have awhile before I can close up shop so until then there will be a lot of praying and gnashing of teeth.

Discipline

Today I start dieting.  I've never dieted and the diet I'm putting myself on, I created so I don't have a clue as to how this is going to work or if I'm even going to lose any weight.  The first thing I need to do is weigh myself and since I don't have a scale I have to go to Safeway or someplace that has a pay scale and get my weight.  Man, this is a hassle already.  It's around 7:30 a.m. and I'm ready to eat something but I can't yet, fun! fun! fun!  My breakfast usually consists of whatever left overs I had from the previous night like fried chicken, spaghetti, pizza etc. and maybe a beer.  I know, I know, I know.  A beer this early but hey, I'm grown.  Not only that, I'm from Reno where alcohol is free and available twenty four hours a day.  Sometimes we don't even leave the club until 6 in the morning and go to "after-party" breakfast and have bloody mary's so don't go judging me.  It's a Reno thing.  I digress.

Yesterday I went and bought myself two hundred dollars worth of fish, rice and salad which is all I'm eating for the next month.  My wife is supporting me but I know she thinks I'm crazy and she's not joining me on this endeavor, not that she needs to.  She weighs 105 pounds soaking wet with rocks in her pockets.  Now that I think about it, she's the reason why I'm over 230 pounds.  It's because she doesn't eat her share of food around the house and I'm "forced" to pick up the slack and eat what she doesn't.  I mean maybe just maybe she could eat more than a spoonful of pasta and half a chicken wing for dinner so I wouldn't have to eat the rest of the whole chicken, pasta and salad I prepared.  Give me a break. 

My real issues are, I love food and I'm a decent cook.  My favorite dishes are Cioppino which is a fishermens stew in a marinara type sauce and House Low Mein which consists of noodles, shrimp, chicken, beef, pork and vegetables.  Both of those are high in calories and cholesterol but come straight from Heaven.  I can make all of my restaurant favorites very well and I never have any money issues when it comes to dining as my food allotment is around $700 dollars per month and allows me to create and cook menus as I crave them.  This is where I get into trouble.  I love a lot of food.  I love ribs, wings, burgers, pastas, meat pies, Chinese, Japanese, Italian, soul food, mustard greens and neck bones, cat fish and collard greens, pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, you name it.  If it smells good and looks good, I'm good.  You know what I'm sayin'?  I can't say no to edible delights.  Food is my kryptonite.  You could bribe me with a whole chicken and some beer and I will paint your home and wash your vehicles.  I'm a food nut.

Anyways, all of that is going on hold today.  Today I'm only eating fish, salad and rice.  We'll see what happens in the next month.  My goal is to get to 200 lbs. by my birthday in April.  Wish me luck!

Day by Day

I was lookin' around this site and saw some interesting blog formats.  I'm gonna hafta to do some research on this because I saw some impressive blogs.  I'm bloggin' today just to do some creative writing and get the "wheels" spinning. 

I love writing but I don't have a lot of experience in the field.  My aspiration is to write things that are interesting to others but that's not my sole motivation.  Ultimately, I write for myself.  I like to see my ideas in print.  It's like having a conversation with another person, only you control what's being said and can usually win any disputes you may have. lol. 

All About G

     Good day!  I am Gary Mason.  I am 41 years of age and originally from Reno Nevada.  I am married(second) and have five beautiful children ages 4 to 20.  I love many things and music is high on that list.  At one point in my life I was a successful dj and record producer.  Currently I am a student at Collins College in Tempe and I am working toward my Bachelor of Arts in Film and Video.  I am Born Again Christian and I love The Father and The Son Jesus Christ.  I am far from perfect(well not too far) and I have a bit of a rough background with gangs and drugs and the court system.  I'm currently on probation until 2012 for possession of a controlled substance and paraphernalia.  On a lighter note I have over 145 days sobriety and I'm working my program well.  I'm easy going but I do have expectations of myself and others. I will help anyone who asks and give anything I have if I can.