The uncertainty of it all

     Sitting in court yesterday caused me to reflect on the reasons why I don't like being in court.  Beyond the obvious reasons like fear of incarceration, embarrassment and shame, I believe it's the uncertainty of the outcome that is the most unsettling aspect of appearing in court.

     I'm on probation for a possession charge I received in May of '08.  Part of my probation terms is that I appear in court once a month for review to make sure I'm following all the rules of probation.  Following all the rules and requirements of probation should be a guarantee of no further incarceration and it is for the most part.  I guess the issue I have is I've made it through most of my probation with relative little incarceration time.  I haven't followed all of the requirements such as paying my fees which are in excess of three thousand dollars.  I also haven't done all of my community service so when I go to court I'm always expecting to go to jail.  Sometimes it happens but more times than not, it doesn't. 

     That's where the uncertainty comes to play.  The judge makes her decisions on a case by case basis with no rhyme or reason.  Sometimes she follows protocol and makes her judgement strictly by the terms set by probation.  Other times she overlooks items and gives defendants alternatives to jail or no punishment at all.  I've also witnessed defendants do everything they are required to do and yet they still had consequences because of some unknown term or unspecified amount of money unpaid was discovered.  It's because of this way of handling her cases that's leads to uncertainty.

     I don't want to appear as though I'm pessimistic, however when I go to court I expect to go to jail.  When I don't it's a victory, when I do it's not a surprise!