I've got to "keep it real" with my recovery

     I haven't lost focus on my sobriety and I continue in it everyday. Over the last year and a half I've made great changes in my life including breaking the bondage cocaine had over my life for twenty-plus years. However, I struggled with the precept that I had to let go of ALL substances. I can rationalize all day how twenty-four ounces of beer everyday isn't going to kill me or cause issues. I can point out that I'm not violent nor do I drive, that I have a 3.44 GPA in college, and that I'm liked by most people I know. But in my heart I know I have to let this go. No matter how harmless I may think it is, I still made a poor decision to use it knowing full well that I'm not supposed to drink because I'm on probation and there are consequences. Anytime a person knowingly goes against truth or law, that is an indicator there is a problem.

     I've been disappointed in myself for awhile now because I know what I'm supposed to be doing and yet I was choosing not to do it and justifying my behavior with the notion that I'm grown and can do what I want to do. A true indicator of a person reaching and acting as an adult is being able to deny oneself and make difficult decisions for truth and right, not rationalizing a behavior in order to please self. Thank you all for listening. I'm really talking to myself but I am transparent and I am not ashamed or afraid to share my thoughts, failures and successes with anyone, especially people I consider friends!