I'm Retired!

Announcing my retirement has caused key people in my life to spiral downward to dark places and remedial thinking while spewing venomous words of hate, disgust and disbelief because of my life choices. Imagine that.

I recently turned the big 5 0.  A few years earlier I graduated from an Art school with a B.A. in Film and Video.  It was shortly after that I decided to retire and move into the next chapter of my life which initially consisted of caring for my disabled wife and my sons.  I'm blessed to be in a position where I can be at home and still maintain a quality life. I'm far from monetary wealth yet my family is lacking nothing. I don't pretend to have everything figured out but I am thankful for each day and I try to learn from every interaction and situation I go through. I tell you, not a day goes by that I am not amazed by the things I see and hear.  I see a lot of people struggling, hurting, dying.  My heart grieves for people who are without any hope for anything good.  I have so much more than so many of the people around me that I sometimes feel bad and embarrassed like I'm not doing anything of substance or enough to help.  And I'm not.

So, I chose to go a different route than the "status quo" (a)merican blueprint to marginal success which, from my own observations and interpretation, consists of minimal education, followed by incurred debt, employment, more times than not, that diminishes ones life instead of enhancing it, creating a family unit, incurring more debt, chasing after more finance, acquiring more materials and then essentially staying in that cycle until life has been spent.  Not many are truly living or truly happy and that is by their choice.

I purposely choose life and happiness and joy.  As crazy as it sounds, I have to actually "fight" for my peace and happiness.  The thought of me enjoying life instead of being a sleeping slave to it, sets many humans and non-human entities into a hateful frenzy that causes them even more anguish and ultimately premature death.

I refuse to follow after people who have never known love or happiness and have no compassion for others or the ability to control what comes out of their mouths.
I've decided to enjoy life as long as I have it, thankful for all I have been given and grateful God is Good!

Flag Waver I'm Not!

I was recently at an event where everyone in the room stood up and began to "Pledge Allegiance To The Flag Of The united states Of america."  While they stood up, I stayed seated and continued writing on my laptop.  Later, when discussing this with my children, my son asked me why I didn't stand and recite the pledge.  This is what I told him.

First and foremost, I don't support or subscribe to the machinations of american society or it's beliefs.  I cannot consciously pledge allegiance to a country that is actively, and has been for centuries, trying to exterminate my race.  I went on to elaborate about the consistent police brutality that is rampant in america including the recent deaths of 12 year old Tamir Rice who was executed by police who said he was threatening their lives with an air-soft gun, and the jail lynching of Sandra Bland who was an active civil rights activist, the murder of Trayvon Martin by George Zimmerman who was later found innocent and applauded by many americans for "Standing His Ground!"  The list of names of Black Americans killed over the last five years is extensive.  A statistic I happened upon states:  "Despite making up only 2% of the total US population, African American males between the ages of 15 and 34 comprised more than 15% of all deaths logged this year(2015) by an ongoing investigation into the use of deadly force by police. Their rate of police-involved deaths was five times higher than for white men of the same age."  

Next, I told my son about some of the horrific things american soldiers do in other countries, including rape, murder and theft of innocent civilians.  Many americans want to turn a blind eye to these things and act like they aren't happening or simply don't care, but that is not me.  I am appalled and ashamed of what these soldiers and our government do in the name of Democracy and "the american way!"  Death, hate, deception, perversion, and immorality I do not subscribe to.

I continued my discussion with my son by telling him how the KKK has infiltrated and infused itself in many levels of american society, including lawmakers, politicians, judges, police and everyday businessmen.  They perpetuate an undercurrent of hate and fear of Blacks and minorities and would undermine the very foundation of the u.s. if allowed to stay on the current course.

These are just a few of the very serious reasons why I don't "Pledge Allegiance," and I told my children that when they are able to understand broader concepts of society and life, they can choose to do what they want to!

The Enemy Is Defeated, Again!

For arguments sake, let's say all religion, and particularly Christianity and The Bible, are man-made creations solely for the purpose of brainwashing and controlling people.  This is a common argument I hear, especially from some pro-Black people who believe that Christianity is the "white-man's" religion and that it was created to keep Black people in subjugation and blinded to their true destiny.

Well, if that's true, that plot has failed monumentally and miserably.  I personally know a lot of people who have found Christ and have gained insight, peace, joy and love when once they never knew of it.  Everywhere I look I see examples of people who walk in Christ's love and because of it they are able to do extraordinary things like forgive others for heinous trespasses and heal from vicious attacks on their mind, body and spirit. One recent example is the Charleston Church shooting of June 17th 2015 when Dylann Roof walked into  Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church and killed 9 people.  As tragic as that was, many of the relatives of the deceased FORGAVE Dylann and even prayed for him.  Do you know how much power and love you have to have to be able to forgive a man that has killed your loved ones?  That kind of power only comes from one place, it's God-given to believers!  So the theory of religion being man-made for purposes of subjugation is invalidated because many people are GAINING power, not succumbing to it.  I can easily list HUNDREDS, if not thousands of other examples but I won't at this time so I can make my point quickly.

So, for you haters, scoffers, rebukers of God, let me show you something.  You revel in your false sense of self but actually wallow in hate which is BONDAGE and sadly you don't know how to get out of that trap so you put a fake smile on your face and try to pretend you are enjoying life but every time hate comes out of your mouth you are speaking volumes on the true condition of your heart.  You sad, fearful, hate-blinded people I pray for you!

Foot In Mouth Disease, No One Is Immune!

I was hoping and praying that when I reach an age of maturity I would be immune to making poor decisions but as far as I can tell, even age isn't a buffer against ignorance.  Case in point is 77 year-old Don Harris, who is the current leader of the Phoenix chapter of the N.A.A.C.P, also known as the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.  This guy went on record to speak about an incident involving six teenage girls use of "nigger" at a school function.  Sometime during his conference, he turned to a female reporter and said, "nice tits!"

Now, I know this is shocking, considering this is a senior citizen, former attorney and well respected in the community, but honestly I was more shocked when I looked at the article and discovered that Don Harris is, wait for it...Caucasian.  Yes, I said it.  He's an elder white man.  Am I missing something here?  Is there a shortage of Negroes and Hispanics in Arizona, that it was necessary for a white man to lead a historically minority based organization?  I digress.

Anyways, even at the ripe old age of 77, people are still putting their feet in their mouth.  This doesn't give me any hope of reaching a "magical age" where I don't have to worry about what I say or do.  I thought as a senior citizen I would have earned the right to say whatever I wanted to, but that obviously isn't the case.  Obviously, no one is immune, BUT, this is a totally preventable disease.  One just has to think before they speak!  Sounds so simple.

How Black Do I Have To Be To Be Black!

A lot of you probably don't realize how hard it is to be and stay Black, (just ask Michael Jackson or Sammy Sosa).  I never thought of it as being an issue until my Blackness was called into question.  And of all people to call my Blackness into question, would be other Black people, imagine that!  Isn't it bad enough that I endure constant adversity simply because of the color of my skin, and now I have to be questioned, ridiculed, chastised and mocked by people of the same race?

I swear, ignorance is a killer, but unfortunately it's a slow killer as witnessed by the many ignorant people that walk this earth.  I mean, how ignorant is it to be divisive amongst your own race?  How can one win the battle against racism when racism is interwoven in the minds of the very people that suffer from it?  Seems nearly impossible and one can definitely see a supernatural influence on these events.

Anyways, I have been called, coon, uncle tom, show monkey(lol), house nigger and the list goes on, all by, wait for it... other Black people.  Crazy.  I never respond negatively to these comments because, as I stated previously, names don't move me.  Call me what you want, just don't call me late for dinner.

It's interesting that sometimes I feel compelled to try and appease my doubters and do what they would consider "black" actions.  However, before I do that, I always remember that I don't give a f*ck what these dumb muthafatha's think and therefore all I have to do is stay Black and die!

What's crazier than Black people hating on other Black people?  Non-Black people emulating Black people.  Man, if there was only one thing I could advocate to people, it would be, "be yourself!"  I have way more respect for the man that is his own man than the dude who is trying to be "like Mike!"  Be proud of who you are, Black, white, red, brown or yellow, most of us bleed red!  To my Black doubters:  If you question my blackness, just ask the police, they'll tell you who and what I am!

Woe Is Me! Someone Called Me A Name!

Sigh...How long will it take you people to grow and mature?  I've only got 74 more years with you, so time is of the essence.

Let's get started.  Recently some young girls took a picture at school that had a racial slur printed on their shirts.  Their shirts spelled out "NI**ER"  and because of it they are going to be disciplined.  They say they did it because they wanted to "spark dialogue" about the word nigger and it's use.  Well, they certainly sparked something, more like ignited an already explosive situation but that's neither here nor there.

When are people going be comfortable with themselves?  When are they going to grow outside of the small frame of their skull and free their mind from meaningless drivel?  It's a hard and sad life to live when you are hindered by self-imposed limitations especially like those as childish as name calling.

I don't know about you but I pride myself on the ability of not being able to be defined by others.  How would I feel if I let every Tom, Dick and Barry have a piece of my peace?  Do you know what my name is?  Then call me by it.  Any other name has no power UNLESS I GIVE IT POWER!  Come on people, this is kindergarten logic.  How can you be in a full-grown body and have a child's mind?  Sigh...I digress.  Let's try to expand our minds by first understanding that we control ourselves.  The power is ours, no one else!  That being said, if you're offended by names then essentially you are the name that has offended you!

I'm Stupid!

      It's official, I'm stupid.  Now for all of you positive, "don't talk bad about yourself" people, calm down.  It's o.k. to critique yourself, honestly.  Actually, it's necessary in order to continue to grow and better oneself, so just hear my logic on this one and you'll soon understand where I'm coming from.

    I just came to this slow realization of my stupidity a couple of days ago.  You know, it's very common that stupid people don't know they are stupid and I am no exception obviously.  Ever since I can remember, I've prided myself on my intelligence, so it was a sad surprise to discover my stupidity but it's been enlightening.

     So what caused my epiphany was some comments made to me by a person close to me.  The comments themselves weren't anything spectacular but it was the realization of how this person feels about me that awoke me from my slumber in grandiose.  To my face, but under their breath, this person called me a dumbass, twice, and then later in the same day this person said they would be embarrassed to put me on speakerphone if they were at work.  Again, these statements in themselves really aren't a big deal, UNTIL you put them into context, which in this case the context is, this person and I have known each other for well over a decade and I thought this person respected me as I do them.  This obviously isn't the case and the really really sad part about this is, I've known this for probably as many years as we've known each other.  I guess I wanted to believe this person didn't really think of me as a piece of shit, but I've finally realized from all these years and all the negative stuff this person has said about me to others and to my face, this person has no respect for me.  And that's how I discovered I was stupid.

     There's a saying I like that goes:  When people die, they don't know they are dead but it affects the people around them, the same goes for stupid people.  Stupid people rarely know they are stupid and this is what separates me from the rest of the stupid people.  I realize I am stupid and because of that, I can kill my stupidity with the birth of my newly found knowledge!  KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!!

     "Apparently you actually have to have a little intelligence to know you're stupid. I, for one, am smart enough to know how dumb I am, and I'm okay with that. I'm still smarter than all my friends." ~ John Cleese